Saturday, August 25, 2007

Testosterone/Estrogen poisoning.

I'm sure I've used the term testosterone poisoning before, and I just used estrogen poisoning over at AD's blog in a comment on his post about how he's not gonna turn into a totally sappy blog but might get sappy once in a while.

It just occurred to me that some of my readers might not understand these phrases, so I decided to explain them. If you knew them already, well, I hope you get a kick out of it anyway.

Testosterone Poisoning: 1. That condition in which a male does stupid things, simply because he is a male.
Some examples of this kind of testosterone poisoning include: Dumb bar fights, dumb shooting competitions, any contest or activity which begins with the phrase "hold my beer," and any activity, the idea for which originated somewhere in the bottom half of a bottle.

2. That condition in which a female is surrounded by males, smothered in testosterone, and then a) does something stupid herself, or b) gets fed up with all of them and goes to seek the company of women.

Estrogen Poisoning: 1. The condition of a male when he is acting somewhat "girly." This includes, but is not limited to, writing sappy poetry, crying during chick flicks, and giving his significant other nicknames such as "pooky," "schnookums," or "snuggle boo."

2. The technical description for the state of mind of a "tomboy" when she is fed up with being eyeball deep in the bull pucky of her own sex. This condition can cause her to use phrases such as: "Good God! Grow a set and get over it!" "What the hell is this? Fashion hour?!?" "Boo freaking hoo, you broke a nail, stop gluing big fake ones on and man up, you little pansy woman!"

So now you know.


Farmmom said...

Well honey the trade you have decided to go into will have plenty testosterone poisoning.

Wait a minute.....Road Construction.... your used to it.... I forgot LOL

Anonymous said...

FWIW, Farmgirl, I don't think anybody's really immune to either of those poisonings although symptoms may vary.


Ambulance Driver said...

You forgot two of the most common phrases of rednecks suffering from testosterone poisoning:

Male: "Hey y'all, watch this!"

Female: "Goodness I am so drunk!" (Also known as the mating call of the Southern Belle)

For the record, I do not call Babs pooky, snoogums or snuggle boo.

I call her something equally sickening, just not those names.

That would be just...girly. ;)

Anonymous said...

And I used to think "honey" and "darlin'" were bad. And then I went to high school.

"I call her something equally sickening, just not those names."

Hey AD, what's equally sickening to those?

"Hey y'all, watch this!"

If you're sober, it *can* work right.

"Goodness I am so drunk!" (Also known as the mating call of the Southern Belle)

I guess they don't make Southern Belles like they used to. ***shrug*** And I live in Georgia. But then it could be the difference between South Georgia and these mountain girls I got used to.

mustanger... again.

Pop said...

Well, I was Going to leave a comment, but I got to laughing too hard at the other comments!

farmgirl said...

Mom-- Yeah, I am. Problem is I'm running into just as much estrogen poisoning as testosterone poisoning. And one girl that I'm not sure if she knows what set of genitalia she has...

AD-- Dude, "watch this" comes after "hold my beer." It's one of those self fulfilling phrases that you really shouldn't have to type all out.
As for the mating call of the Southern Belle... I wouldn't know, I'm not southern :P It is, however, eerily similar to the mating call of the college bimbo, which is "Likeohmygod I am soooo drunk... who's gonna drive me back to the dorm?"
I swear, those girls are like vultures!

jon said...

It's not the poison, it's the dose. Eveyone understands when the effect is temporary insanity, but when it's obvious that someone is drowning in their prefered hormone, it's hard not to lose lunch and swear off alcohol.

Dan O. said...

...any contest or activity which begins with the phrase "hold my beer,"

Reminded me of the most common last words of a redneck.."Hey Bubba, watch this!"