Friday, August 24, 2007

Why can't people get it?

Had a nice visit with my good friend R today. She's my hairstylist and fashion consultant, best friend for many many years, and just all around good gal, most of the time.

Unfortunately, she thinks I need to be "hooked up" and she always picks the absolute worst person.

For example... the first guy she tried to hook me up with... well, he was in love with her. No really, the guy loved her... and he and I turned into good friends, I took him to the one prom that I attended, and shook my head as he mooned over her and she was oblivious.

Second guy... same deal, except that he showed up after two months of nada, never even called to say hi howareya, knocking on the door at two am... wanting to get all friendly with me. Ugh.

So yeah, she has a bad track record for picking men for me... she's not allowed to hook me up anymore, and she knows this... she just ignores it a lot of the time.

Today, she asked me when I was gonna give it up and just go out with T.

I laughed until I hurt.

When I told T about it tonight, he said "People just don't get us, do they?"

Guess not.

I love T to death, and he's a little (little, ha, he's a giant, but he'll always be little to me) hottie, but as far as a sexual thing? Nahhhhhh, its just not there, for either of us.

I'm lucky enough to have a few "best" friends. R, and T's big sister are two of them... we've stuck together most of our lives, in spite of being separated in recent years by much distance. T is another.

T is a very special person, he's one of the best men I know, even if I do call him a guy or a boy most of the time, that's just because he'll always be that slightly chunky little smartass that I knew all those years ago, in my mind.

But as far as he and I having a relationship?

The world would implode. No really, the combined force of that much snark having sexual relations would cause a quantum reaction that would end life as we know it. The entirety of the universe would wink out and be replaced either with a big Don't Panic button or a big artistic rendering of the middle finger being given. It would all depend on which one of us was having more evil thoughts at the end.

I can't believe people really want that, and yet, they keep encouraging us to get together... I just don't know why they can't seem to get it?


Got my phone, tv, and internet hooked up.

And whooo-eeee this internet is fast. It makes me happy.

I do need a longer phone cord, though, since for some gawdawful reason my phone has to be plugged into the back of my modem.. I don't know, don't really care. Just gotta get a phone line long enough to run to like the side table instead of having the phone base on the floor by the desk.

But I have TV!!! No more insanity!

Ok, so no more than usual.


So, J has put me off again on whether or not to bring ol' Red up, but the plan at this point is bring him unless J tells me otherwise. He showed me the list and he's *been* counting me so unless he gets someone that insists on bringing one more than he needs up, then both of the boys come.

Still don't have a feed crew list, but oh well, we'll figure it out.

If too many people don't get their horses in Saturday and insist on spreading themselves out (jeez, people, we're gonna fill the barn up anyway, might as well let 'em get used to having neighbors) I'll stall the two boys next to each other. Double checked with the instructor and she's for stalling buddies together, so that's good. Some trainers want buddied-up horses stalled separately, they say it helps them get over having to be around each other *all* the time. So I wanted to double check.

So that's the plan, Stan, since I know Farmdad will be reading this at some point today, and if I don't get ahold of Farmmom while she's going to lunch then he'll be able to tell her. And if I get a call not to bring Red I'll call right after.

(Kinda nice, being able to just leave a note here.... :P )

Early Mornings

I've gotten into the habit of sleeping in till six am, or six thirty. Feels nice.

Of course, that also means that by nine thirty, ten o'clock at night, I'm ready to pass out. So, the nightlife isn't much, but then, I haven't had much of a nightlife, other than a rare outing with T for quite a while, so I'm used to it.

In exchange, I get these peaceful mornings. I can hear my neighbors' kids, and the rat dogs* they keep as pets, until ten thirty, eleven at night, but from six am to around eight, its quiet, its peaceful. There's a gentle glow of sunlight coming in my windows and the only sounds I hear are the few people who leave for work around this time.

I can think, in these still moments, about all of the things that are usually running around in the back of my brain trying to figure themselves out.

I can think about my friends, and how much I miss them, and I can plot on how I'm going to take over the world and make whining about something you did to yourself a punishable offense.

I can think about the great times I've had in the past and the better ones that are coming in the future, because I said so and I'm too stubborn to be wrong.

I can think about the difficulties that are coming, too, and depending on the state of my emotions that day I can worry about them, or scoff at how paltry they are.

I can think about my dreams, and most days, I think I'm gonna make it there. Just because I took one tiny step forward, going back to school, everything looks like its closer to falling into line.

Heck, if I'm lucky, I've even got a ginormous mare already knocked up, to possibly start down the path to my extremely long term and just for fun goal of breeding up a strain of horses similar to the medieval war horses, to sell to the folks who are in the Society for Creative Anachronism.

Besides, come on, who wouldn't want a huge freakin horse smart enough to learn plenty of cues and make it look like they're mean and nasty, and yet gentle enough that you can take them home and put your two year old on their back and never worry? (Thats my ultimate goal, dual purpose war horses :P )

But, thats way down the line in the future. This summer I'll probably be picking up horses cheap at the sale, prettying them up and slapping some manners on them, and taking them back to sell for more money, just because they look nice and have an impressive set of turns on them. And after next year, who knows? Maybe I'll continue that, and maybe I'll get an excellent internship and they'll love me and keep me around. Maybe.

But these quiet moments, the stillness before the day starts, while I have my coffee, is when I can think about these things, turn them over in my mind like a worry stone in my fingers and figure out the ones that need figured out, smile at the ones that need smiling at, and breathe a sigh that lets all of it go, and prepares me for the day.

* Rat dogs= Chihuahuas. Some days I swear they've got at least four of them in there, some days I think it's just one. I'm swiftly coming to the conclusion that these crazy people who have oversized bug-eyed rats running around their home and call them dogs have playdates for the little yappers.