It's been harder than I honestly expected, dealing with things this week. I knew it was going to be rough, aside from my own feelings on the matter most of my friends are pretty tore up, and I feel for them.
It just surprises me how hard it's hit me. It probably shouldn't, but it does. There was a viewing last night, and I told myself I'd go this morning. This morning I got back from retrieving one of the crew from the train station, and realized that I just can't bring myself to go.
I don't think I could take seeing another friend lying in a casket. I'd rather remember him smiling and laughing with everyone than have that image of him all cold and still. I know if I went I'd see every other friend I've buried, they're running through my mind anyway.
I just... can't do it. I can do the funeral, I can do the gravesides, but I can't go look at him.
Sorry for being all sad and stuff but that's the way it is today. Go tell the people you love how much you care, folks, fate doesn't wait for you to have time, and you never know when you might not get another opportunity. Besides, everyone should hear that they're loved and cared for as often as possible.