Thursday, March 31, 2011

War Machine Update

I've added a count to the sidebar to keep track of where things are at on the War Machine fund. I'll update it as things come in.

If we don't reach the goal, I'll refund any donations that already hit the PayPal account.

Um, Er... Yeah. Ow.

Somehow no matter how sure I am that I'm banged up "enough" I usually find a way to make it worse... and since I'm currently drugged up and absolutely certain ya'll want to hear about it, I decided to put up a post about it.

The speculation as to whether or not one of my ribs was cracked is now pretty much settled, pending the official report from the radiologist. Except that it's not cracked anymore....

Shortly after my help left I discovered that I was out of cheese for pizzas. Considering I'd just gotten an order for three of em, I was gonna need that, so I went to the cooler only to discover that no one had gotten any more out when they used the last of the last box.

Now, I'd like to note here that I knew full well I shouldn't lift that forty pound box. I just didn't have a better idea at the time. (Shortly afterwords I realized I could have opened the box and moved the bags one by one, but that was while I was thinking of a million and one ways to kill someone with a bag of frozen mozzarella.)

I hefted the box, started from the freezer to the cooler, and about halfway from where I picked it up to where it needed to be I felt a sort of pop, and my knees damn near gave out on me.

Short version, it took a couple hours to get someone in to cover, and a couple more hours in the ER, but Doc says he sees a fracture, and they'll call me with the official report tomorrow. I've never had a broken rib before but from the way it felt I'd call it broken, myself, even though I didn't see anything obvious on the x-rays.

They gave me a shot in the ass though so I'm feeling pretty good right now. Toradol, for the medical geeks.

Boss is pissed cause I have official no lifting pushing or pulling whatsoever doctors orders until I'm released... with a follow up in two weeks and unlikely to be fully released for six. Which means I can't do nights.

I'm totally upset about that considering I've been trying to get off nights for months now.

On the other hand he may just take me off the schedule for not being able to do enough of the job, which would suck but it would suck less than finding out that another rib had a crack that I can turn into a break, I guess.

I'll find out what's going on there tomorrow, I'm scheduled to close but I don't know what he'll do with that... And on that note I think I'll go get some sleep in case I get a call in the morning that I swapped shifts with someone. First impression seems to be that he'll schedule me off Friday Saturday Sunday and Monday for next week, which will eat my paycheck but give me a chance to heal some. We'll see.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

War Machine Fundraiser

AEPilotJim has decided that the next incarnation of the Crown Vic needs to be a Blogorado War Machine. Since I'm having to replace the car I bought last month I can't afford to just keep it and turn it into said war machine if I can get money out of it.

So, he's started the Great War Machine Fundraiser. Details here.

It's either going to get the top chopped off and the interior hosed out and become the war machine (with any modifications beyond that being on the Blogorado crew) or it's gonna get taken as is to my car guy.

At this point I don't really care where the car ends up, but JimJim and the Blogorado crew are all hyped about the idea of a war machine, so if you're hyped about it too, have at it.

Edit: Due to logistical difficulties (I.E. JimJim is in bloody Africa) the fundraiser money is apparently just going into my tip jar. Put "war machine" in the note on the donation, if you decide to contribute.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Injury Chronicles Update

So I'm starting to heal up and I think all of my owwies have made themselves evident here's the full roster:

Bruised and possibly cracked ribs, right side, three of em or so.

Jammed/sprained wrist, I thought it was sprained then it popped and felt a little better but it's still sore enough that I think it's sprained too.

One nick on my forehead.

Bruising on my knees from hitting the dash.

Sore back, and right shoulder.

Goose egg that's nowhere near as big as I expected it to be.

All in all I got off light.

And, since everyone is curious about how exactly the elk got on the roof, here's the breakdown based on what I saw and the damage.

Refer to the photos for visuals.

Elk came out of the right hand ditch, and attempted to jump the hood. His back legs leave the ground before getting whacked by the passenger side headlight, starting him spinning to face the rear of the car.

Shoulder/chest impacts around the middle of the roof at the top of the windshield, gut hits just inside the passenger side door post, hindquarters wrap around the side of the car.

Momentum carries his shoulders up over the roof and he slides off leaving the smear on the passenger rear door.

I came to a stop shortly after the end of the blood trail on the highway.

DM says the bit of elk stuff in the passenger floorboard was likely stomach rather than lung, which could have come in either through the windshield as he hit or the passenger window as he slid by.

That's as near as I can figure, anyway. Right up to the part where I hit his back legs, I KNOW that's what happened. The rest is based on that and the damage to the car and my very general knowledge of physics.


She's a bitch.

The title to the Crown Vic arrived in the mail today.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


So, very early Friday morning, I was headed across on a lonely stretch of highway (do we have anything else here?) and I had a close encounter of the elk kind. I'm fine, but my car is totaled. Yes, I'm a little banged up but all things considered I got off damn lucky and I'll take it. So many things could have been that one little bit different and I'd have been done for.

As is I got off with a mildly sprained wrist, some bruised ribs, a whack on the head and a really clear impression of the rear view mirror on my right forearm. Plus assorted bumps and bruises and aches and bits of glass everywhere, of course.

Without further ado, and in no real particular order, I give you the Elksplosion.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Delivery truck was late tonight, resulting in my having to juggle customers, counting all the crap they were hauling in, and pizza making all at once. Follow that up with an unusually steady Tuesday night and getting all my regular work done, and I feel like somebody smacked me.

To top it off I may be getting yelled at tomorrow because I made an executive decision when my cow-orker was wringing her hands. We had two separate, large grass fires burning in the area today, with high winds. The Salvation Army ladies were going to take stuff out to the firefighters, who are all volunteer.

Boss wouldn't answer his phone, so I made the call and said we'd make a list of what they took and they could come in and pay for all of it when they had a chance. It's the Salvation Army they're not going to ditch out on a bill, and we don't have an audit in the next couple of days so it should be fine.

I paid for the coffee myself... most of those boys started out fighting a fire mid morning, and didn't get done until after nine pm. And those were the lucky ones. Some of em were still out there watching for flare-ups at eleven.

Grass fires are no joke this time of year, there's a ton of dry fuel and when the wind picks up they can really take off.

For the curious, one of the fires was on the Kansas state line. Go to google maps and find highways 116 and 160 in southeastern Colorado, through into Kansas.

In places, that fire spanned the entire distance between those highways.

The bright side is that it sounds like nobody lost their home. Several of the historical homesteads were burned, some telephone poles and two barns, between the two fires, but as far as I know it didn't get anyone's house.

Here's hoping there aren't any flare ups and we don't have any more.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

More on Chopsticks

Alternately: A Moron With Chopsticks.

Ok, so it's not that bad, but I really suck with chopsticks. A while back I got my back up and decided that I was going to eat a meal with chop sticks, one way or another, just to shut DM up. I still refused to use the giant clothespin, though.

Considering I was actually starving at the time I figured it was a good motivator.

DM chuckled at me, until I sat down and actually started trying to eat. And growling at my food. And cursing under my breath.

Then he got up and brought me a fork, which I of course refused to use. It was the principle of the thing, by then.

"We'll practice on popcorn later, eat."

"I am eating. With chopsticks. Shut up and be happy about this."

"You're going to die of starvation before you finish your food."


"I know, I know, shut up and be happy about this...."

And so it went. I did eventually start to figure things out, but about then my hand started cramping up and I had to pause. I got most of the meal eaten, but about the third time my hand cramped up I gave up and switched to the fork.

Most of my success was of the "it's not *right* but it made it into my mouth" variety. Considering we weren't in public at the time I didn't really care, although I didn't even bother to try eating the rice with the chopsticks.

DM swears the giant clothespin will help me learn to hold my hand correctly. I don't particularly care, I'm still not eating with a laundry-drying device.

I may, however, eventually, in some distant and as yet unrealized future, actually learn to use chopsticks correctly. Or not, cause I really do suck with them.

I still say they're a device used in poor countries to make what little food they have last longer. They certainly work to slow me down.

Sunday Puppy Sunday

Sorry Phlegmmy I had to steal it for this one. As promised, puppy photos!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


We have five beautiful schnauzer puppies as of some gawdawful hour last night.

Three little boys, and two little girls.

Two of them are already spoken for and we'll see about the rest. I'll get good pictures up when Belle settles into the mommy thing a little more comfortably. She's doing really well she just gets a little anxious if you fuss with the pups too much just yet.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Things I Hear At Work

One of the brighter young men around town just came in to buy some condoms. He dug through his wallet and came up fourteen cents shy of not having to break a five, and asked me if I had fourteen cents.

"Nope, sorry"

"Fine. Meanie."

"Listen, I'm all for safe sex but I'm not paying for your condoms."

"So what you're saying is you like safe sex."

"I'm a healthy mature female human with no hormonal or emotional imbalances, I like sex. But.."

And he interrupted:

"And your number is....?"

"I have a boyfriend dude."

"Well is he here?"

"He's close enough for now."

"But if he's not here.... Come on now it'll be fun!"

By this time his expression had taken on such a puppy-watching-the-treat-in-front-of-its-nose expression that I knew he was just fucking with me.

"I'm good, thanks though."

"But I have an abnormally large penis! Look, Magnums!"

And he waved the box of condoms at me with this Groucho Marx-esque eyebrow waggle.

Seriously. I can't make this shit up.

That's the point at which I lost it and started laughing and told him to take his abnormally large penis elsewhere for the night.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Something is Fishy

This weekend I added to the Farm Fam roster of pets yet again. This one is less of the fuzzy cuddly variety, however.

Meet Bartholomew Betta, AKA Bart. He's a gorgeous little thing with the personality of a... well.... fish.

Note: pictures were taken with the camera on my new iPhone. It's not easy to get a fabulous pic with it but it is possible.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Blood On The Walls

The last two weeks have left me in a mood to contemplate murder and mayhem, not the least towards my coworkers. Thankfully, I only have one shift left, after which I will likely take off like a striped-assed-ape to go see DM, because I am in serious need of some down time, and he's very good at making me relax.

Also, in coming attractions: Puppies!

That's right. Before too long we'll have Fuzzy Pup and Belle puppies, two of which definitely already have homes, and probably one more. The gal on the third just had border collie pups and offered to trade me straight across but I figured the fam would probably hurt me for that one. She's currently arguing with herself but is fairly sure she's gonna end up buying a puppy.

I'm hesitant to contract any more, not knowing how many little squirmers are in Miss Tubby's belly, but things seem promising for not having to work too hard to swap puppehs for money. Which is a good thing, really, since none of us have a lot of spare time to spend advertising them.

I'll post pictures when the fuzzy little bundles of joy make their appearance.