Tuesday, December 23, 2008

'Tis The Night Before Christmas... Eve....

And all through the house,
Not a dog is stirring,
Though the cat stares at a mouse.

Thermal socks are slung over the radiator with care,
In hopes that come morning toasty toes will be there.

Farmmom and Pop are all snug in their bed,
While visions of Hawaii surely dance in their heads.

And I in my sweater, and Noel wide awake,
Are waiting so patiently for the pumpkin custard to bake.

Tomorrow we'll feast, and open our gifts,
For tonight I have pups, and my hefty cat Ziff.

All in all it was good, a real family tradition,
Farmmom and I, at the table a-dishin.

Recalling years past and the way things have changed,
Telling tales on each other, and friends... best not named.

No hot mulled wine, no hard apple cider,
We're crazy enough, we couldn't be tighter.

Tomorrow is time for the Fam and those things,
Tonight was for us, and the joy that that brings.

The nephews will reach for their gifts full of glee,
Seeing their faces is the best part for me.

We'll eat and we'll laugh, and all will be well,
What will come in the new year, only time will tell.

I fear I must leave you, for I'm out of rhymes,
But I'll wish you much joy, and the best of times.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Wow. I'm a Weirdo... TV Edition

We all know that I'm a bit... odd. Especially those folks that have known me in an "online" sense for years (Yes, I'm talking about you, Josh) and those who know me on the other side of the computer screen.

(A while back I was actually approached in the real world by someone who reads my blog and knows who I am. She's an acquaintance of Mamaw's, but she complimented me on my scribblings and made a point to tell me that she read. I'd like to thank her, cause that just blew my mind at a time when my mind needed blowing.... or something along those lines that doesn't sound quite so dirty...)

My lust for all things electronic and nifty, paired with my at times overwhelming urges to be, literally, in the middle of nowhere.

My lack of interest, and frankly skill, at the girly arts of hair and makeup, paired with an unfortunate yen for snazzy shoes that then stare forlornly at me from the bottom of my closet as I yet again pull on a pair of work or "cowboy" type boots.

Odd. That's me.

But, some of the greatest examples of my weirdness come blaring out of the TV screen... Here's some examples:

1. I love Bones, House, ER, CSI: Miami (it's all about waiting for that moment when Horatio gives his dramatic pause, usually paired with either putting on or taking off his sunglasses.)

2. Farmmom and I were entirely addicted to Gilmore Girls. Like, every Tuesday night, and later Wednesday night, without fail, no matter where we were, whether we were together or not, we would sit down and watch. If we were apart, we could sometimes refrain from calling until after the show to go "Oh. My. God... can you believe what Jess did??"

Farmdad learned quickly to pretend to be invisible for an hour. We would discuss the show when it wasn't on, and speculate about what would happen next. Obscure references were made. Quotes are still thrown around. We have the first four seasons on DVD.

We threw a farewell party the night of the series finale. We cried.

3. I'm often caught by odd "informational" shows. I've seen how they make sink drains, pencils, M&M's and Airplanes. I've watched as the most boring people in the world, assisted by people with a little more skill in presentation, show me tombs of rulers long gone, theorize about who was banging who four thousand years ago, and somehow... wow... find entire countries that are only obliquely mentioned in any known recorded history.

4. I've banned myself from watching Animal Planet. I don't always succeed in my determination not to tune to that channel, but I try. Animal Cops invariably pisses me off and makes me cry, no matter what city they're in. And it's always on.

5. HBO is the debil when it comes to wasting time when I really should be doing something constructive. Taxicab Confessions... just... wow. Cathouse... again wow. Seriously, I don't think I could manage being a prostitute myself, but that show always makes a little part of me want to try it. Real Sex... just flat out fucking fascinates me. Forget Skinemax for late night naughtyvision, HBO takes it to a whole new level. Sometimes, a very creepy level....

6. True Blood gets a whole number to itself. I started watching because I love the Sookie Stackhouse books. I kept watching, in spite of being able to sit in my recliner and tell myself what was going to happen next, because it just rawks.

7. Deadwood. 'Nuff Said.

8. I can sing the entire theme song for the Wonderpets. In fact, it's an earworm that never quite goes away.

9. Infomercials. I never buy anything, but I can't resist seeing what crap they're trying to sell now.

10. Food Network. In spite of the fact that I can't find half of the ingredients of the things that I really want to try, and at least half of the things I see on there make me go "waitaminute... what?" I can't resist. Alton Brown can give me tunnel vision in ten seconds flat.

I think that's enough for now. Add in the fact that I bounce between all of these things, and more, with no coherent pattern (Real Sex to Gilmore Girls reruns to Bones to Wonderpets to Food Network to.... you get the picture) and it's just another layer to my sometimes borderline crazyness.