Friday, August 27, 2010

Photo Op

Having Oleg Freaking Volk at your blogmeet is bound to turn up some great photos.. what surprised me was just how sneaky the man could be. He's very good at that unobtrusive thing, until he thinks of a shot that he really wants that requires him to be obvious.

I had a couple of twitchy moments, I admit, but all in all it was a good experience, even when I was obviously in front of the camera. Since it will get out soon anyway (these things always do) for those of you who weren't aware, yes, this is me.

There goes my faceless blogger status, but really, if you're going to come out of the anony-mouse closet, what better way to do it than in pictures taken by the immortal Oleg Volk? At least you're guaranteed to look good, cause the man is a genius.

For any potential stalkers* out there: remember, I carry, I'm never entirely unarmed, and I have an intimate familiarity with the process of relieving male critters of their boy bits without causing them to die.

If you haven't seen his stuff (and if you haven't, you're an uninformed heathen, which should be corrected immediately) check Oleg out at his LiveJournal or website ... but do it when you have plenty of time to waste cause you're gonna be entranced.

*Oleg made several joking remarks about how many stalkers I would gain thanks to the pictures, and how most of them would likely have enough sense to realize that actually hurting/touching/otherwise upsetting me would likely result in their gaining several new and interesting orifices. It required a special mention.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

"Ass Kisser" Takes On A Whole New Meaning

Got a few minutes before I have to run off to work until midnight so I'll jot down a note about one of the highlights of the weekend... please excuse me if I'm not up to my usual standard since I haven't slowed down much since everyone went home and I'm not caught up with myself yet.

So, this Blogorado we failed to demolish any cars (the worst damage was a couple of flat tires, I can live with this) field-dress any roadkill whilst slightly horrified young deputies stood by, or create any international incidents, thankfully.

What we did manage to do... or rather, I managed to do, is provide what may become this year's epic moment.

With my birthday approaching, the Nerds brought me a gift of a lovely pie plate. (My birthday being the same as LabRat's, they remembered that it was coming, while everyone else thankfully forgot... I worked hard to keep Blogorado away from my birthday, thank you. I know how sick and twisted all those freaks are)

The pie plate is, as I said, lovely. What came in it however, was heavenly. I got a piece of my birthday pie, brought to me at the second job since unfortunately the scheduling monkeys decided that I needed to be chained to a register the night the Nerd Beer arrived.

No joke... my (new) manager looked at me and said "I don't think you're allowed to do that at work..." because of the noises I was making over this pie. It is strip down and roll in it naked and pull muscles to lick it all off good.

Well, at the range, Farmmom was smarting off that she wanted that recipe. Stingray, being of the "Mine and I'm not sharing" persuasion, which I can't blame him for, said "Kiss my ass."

I turned around and looked at him and said "For that recipe, I will no shit get on my knees and plant my lips to your naked ass. You write it down, and I'll do it."

Apparently this challenge was just too tempting for Stingray because I did acquire the recipe. I'm not sure how many people got pictures or how Stingray feels about them being posted, but barring any objections from him, I'm sure they'll surface at some point, from someone.

Totally worth it. My only regret is that I haven't had time yet to get the berries and make the pie... or con Farmmom into making it for me.

Mmmmm. Pie.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

You Know... It's Kind Of Sad...

For nearly a week now I've been eating quite well on mom's cooking, GC's cooking, LawDog's pepper poppers, Stingray's ass-kissin good pie (story later) and now I'm sitting here eating a bologna and chip sammich. (Sour cream and cheddar Ruffles crushed and on the sammich.)

.... Something just ain't right with me, really.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Important Blogorado Information

For those of you attending Blogorado, an update.

I've been told by a couple people that their motel reservations were lost... luckily they had called to confirm and got it all taken care of, but if you've made reservations, I suggest you call again and make sure they haven't vanished into thin air!

Not that long now... and so much to do!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Sleep? What's That?

So, after shifts going from 4pm to midnight one day, to 9am to 5pm the next, followed up with a 4:30am to 1pm after that, fair week (with all the excitement and rush associated with it both at work and off) and two dances in two nights at which I had decided to blow off some steam and didn't get nearly enough sleep, this week I have a steady schedule. I'm closing all week, which I don't mind. My body is having a touch of trouble trying to get the whole "ok you were up till some gawdawful hour of the morning last night but you're not going to bed early tonight so you can actually sleep" concept, but it'll adjust.

Met a new guy in town Friday night at the dance. His immediate backstory is almost cliche. On his way to take a job in Oklahoma City (of a skilled labor variety which makes a buttload of money) his truck broke down in the middle of the night. Having not much money on hand, he couldn't afford to both fix the truck and, ya know, eat, for the period it would take to get the repairs done, and so being a self sufficient lad he started looking for work. Temporary, at first, but as he was directed hither and yon to folks who might have something for him to do to earn a few bucks he became fascinated with the area, and decided to stay a while.

That decision actually got him a job, since he was looking at being around for more than a couple weeks, and he's been settling in, and falling in love with, the county.

I think Hollywood did that movie, even if I can't remember which one it was at the moment.

In all seriousness, he seems like the sort to fit in well here, and be a positive addition to our tiny population. After one night of discussing everything from books to livestock to philosophy over the top of the noise of the dance and one much quieter conversation with just as much variety but less background noise, I'm prepared to give him the provisional Farmgirl stamp of approval for living in my county.

I've promised him a tour of some of my favorite places, and we'll get to that one of these days when schedules permit, what with him working farm hours and me working... whatever hours the manager wants me to work.

Since one of my favorite things to do is show people the places and things about this area that I adore, I'm sure it'll be no hardship.

Now, for something completely different....

As with most convenience stores, we carry condoms. And, as with most convenience stores, it's a fair bet that, especially on the closing shift, some shy youngster will mumble something to the clerk to the effect of "doyoucarrycondomsandwherearethey" in sotto voice.

So far, I've managed to keep a straight face, even when the shy one was not such a youngster, and point them in the right direction.

Harder is keeping my giggles under control at the reactions to the discovery that we only carry these.

It's just a packaging difference but to someone looking to not be seen buying condoms, (and this just blows my mind, frankly... I want to congratulate the younger people on their good sense every time I ring up a package of condoms, just to give some positive reinforcement) it throws them off in their hurried search.

Then when they find them, you can see, across the store, the confused look, and the slowly dawning realization that hey, this might actually be kind of brilliant. Plus, the relief that if they didn't spot them right away no one is likely to associate that packaging with condoms, and they might get out of the store without their mom's best friend (who of course walked in at precisely the wrong moment) noticing that they're planning on having s-e-x tonight.

The entertainment value makes me kind of glad that they took out the 75 cent dispensers in the bathrooms.