Friday, September 4, 2009

Words of Advice

Went out dancing with K and a few other friends last night, and it brought home to me that the young men of this world need some advice when it comes to the dance floor.

So, if any of them happen to read this blog, here's a few clues.

Keep your erection to yourself. It's not so much that we're bothered by the fact that we excite you, we actually tend to take that as a compliment. However, we do not want to have the evidence of that excitement rubbed against us on the dance floor, or if we do, we will initiate it. Really. Take a couple of deep breaths and think about dead puppies or something.

An accidental bump is one thing. Pursuing her as she attempts to politely ease away is rude, and kind of creepy. In these situations I usually advise my shyer female friends (the ones that won't dress the offender down verbally) that a quick hip-check to the offending area usually solves the problem one way or another, and offers an object lesson in manners at the same time, without being overt enough to draw too much unwanted attention.

When a young lady is on the dance floor with her girl friends, regardless of how she's shaking it, it is not an open invitation to grab, rub up against, or otherwise have physical contact with her. If you would like to dance with her, join the group politely, if she wants that kind of action, she'll get all up on you. If not, you get to dance with a bunch of girls, and enjoy the views, be happy with that.

Do not touch any posteriors not your own or those of girlfriends or close friends that you're on those kinds of terms with already. Believe me, grabbing some random girl's ass on the dance floor will not make her want to go home with you, and if you grab the wrong ass, you might just get your butt kicked by a girl.

I had to offer to remove a hand last night because one young man decided that he needed to slap my behind while we each were dancing with different people. I think the sweet smile I gave him after I told him the next time that hand touched me I was keeping it worried him a bit.

If a girl is dancing only with her girl friends and the guy she came with, and he is not her boyfriend, that means she's shy. She may well accept an invitation to dance, and will enjoy the dance, as long as you keep your hands to yourself or in their designated areas, depending on the type of dance. If it's booty-shaking hip-hoppy type stuff, and you put a hand on her waist and she moves away, then keep your hands to yourself. If you're two-stepping, remember that the lower back does not include anything south of the waistband.

Also, if she's a bit touch-shy, give her some space. Young ladies who are not accustomed to the two-step may take that body-close hold as something entirely other than the best way to keep from stepping on each others feet or running into other dancers. A couple of inches should suffice, but if she's leaning back give her more room.

Manners are just as important on the dance floor as anywhere else in life, and a gentleman who approaches a lady and asks her politely for a dance scores way more points than a guy who just jumps in.

My favorite words to hear when I'm out dancing are "would you care to dance?" or even better, "may I have this dance?" (Note: extra points if you extend a hand to help her out of her chair. It's not that we need the help, it's just the gentlemanly thing to do.)

Unless I'm dead tired, or leaving, I will accept any polite invitation to dance, and most of the girls I know are the same way.

Keep these small reminders in mind and you'll do well on the dance floor, and certainly get to dance with more ladies than the young men who fail to follow these simple guidelines.