Monday, December 26, 2011

Conspiracy!

From my own family no less! It appears that after a long streak of not being able, for one reason or another, to keep my presents a secret, Farmmom went to great lengths (even recruiting my boyfriend to blatantly lie to me about being an anxious weirdo in order to find out where exactly my gun was) to keep this one secret.

See, it seems that EvylRobot conspired with her too. He sent her some leather, she did some tooling, sent it back, and he made a holster out of it. Throughout all of this several people managed to keep it a secret from me.

The finished product is nice:






I was told I had to do a review, on top of being bamboozled by my dearly beloveds. What a world.

So far I'm impressed with the workmanship. Farmmom's tooling is great, the rose is one that I had admired a few times on a belt pattern (this is me sucking up to my mommy) and Robot's craftsmanship is good. There's gonna be a little fit adjustment as I wear the holster in... it's a little stiff to form to me where I prefer just yet, but the difference in position is about an inch, so it's not that huge a deal, as it breaks in a little I'll move it and it'll conform.

I like that the clips are reversible. I can wear it IWB or OWB and the swap is a couple of screws. The clips are also extremely sturdy and very much stay where they're put, which is a requirement. Also, I'm a big fan of where he put his logo. I don't mind advertising for him when I'm showing it off, but I like that it's covered when the gun is in the holster. It wouldn't work well with the rose on a full time basis.

It's pretty clear that Robot uses something with a texture as his backing when he works his leather.. there are some cross hatched markings on the back side of the leather, and an odd mottled texture behind his logo, all on the back, where it won't show, and will probably disappear with wear. Not a deal breaker on the holster, were I paying for it, but being as familiar as I am with leather and having a passing acquaintance with working leather, it's something I noticed.

I'll update more as I wear it and figure out how it's gonna break in. So far, in the adjusted position it's fairly comfortable, for a brand new holster about five times thicker than I'm used to, since my last holster for Walter was a floppy crappy thing.

I am very pleased with my sooper secret gift, though.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Merry Christmas Everybody

Here's hoping that all have a happy, safe, and loving time this holiday season.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

White Christmas?????

We spent yesterday morning trying to get feed to critters. We spent the afternoon curled up by the heater watching it snow and blow.

This morning Farmdad had to dig the door out so the dogs could go do their business.





They loved it. They could look in the dining room window!

As of yet there is not a highway in the county that is open

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Banner Day

Monday was a banner day for me. Farmdad and I took a road trip up to see Salamander and play in the funshop he works at.

See for all of my untold years I have bought several weapons for Farmdad, Farmgirl and the son and grandson and had bought myself a rifle or two but had never bought myself a pistol. I've had several over the years. Some were gifts. Sometimes Farmdad would come home with something new and tell me "honey look what I got for you!!" thinking that would keep him out of trouble and some were just flat stolen from him when I particularly liked something he came up with.


After fighting with Workman's Compensation for over two years they decided that I was due a small (very small) settlement. I got said check in the mail a couple weeks ago and was trying to decide what to do with it when life went "Rodeo" around here.

This weekend it hit me what I wanted to do with it. I was gonna buy a pistol for myself. I mean what else would be as satisfying? What else would help get rid of the stress of the last several months than turning money into smoke and noise? I needed some recoil therapy and it would be so much better with a new toy.

The shop Salamander works at always has a very nice inventory. I figured I could find something there that just begged me to take it home since every time I go in there I have to wipe the drool off my face. I still couldn't afford some of the pistols they always have there but was sure something would catch my eye.

We arrived shortly after the shop opened and I ran Salamander from display case to display case looking at this one and that one. Eventually I narrowed the choices down to 3 or 4 different pistols and of course they were all in different areas of the store. Needless to say I finally made my choice and Salamander started the paperwork.

This is what I ended up with.







A Smith & Wesson M&P 9. No it's not flashy. No it's not anything anyone is gonna squee over. But it felt nice in my hand (after we changed the backstrap) and it talked to me. It wanted to come home with me and be my friend.

I also got Farmdad a Ruger 22/45 for Christmas, which he got early since he was along and actually picked it out for himself.

We stopped on the way home and ran some ammo through both of them and I am extremely pleased with my new little friend. The recoil is just barely there and the darn thing shoots very well. I was hitting quite well with it from the very first round. I don't have anything on paper since we just stopped on a country road and just threw a couple soda bottles out there for targets but the soda bottles looked a bit ragged after just a couple magazines. It is a very FUN gun to shoot and I am quite sure I will use up the remainder of my stash of cash buying ammo for it.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

In Lieu Of Flowers

Mamaw rarely could handle flowers anyway, most of them set her off coughing. So, for our extended tribe who may wish to make a gesture, we ask that you donate to Hospice rather than send flowers.

Hospice is a wonderful, caring organization, and group of people, who do far more than they get credit for. The organization and people here were invaluable to us.

Feel free to donate to your local hospice care organization or if you prefer (one friend has already requested the information) you can donate to ours in her name:

Baca County Hospice
210 E 10th St
Springfield, CO
81073

Mamaw

In January, Mamaw was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. It had already gone to her brain. They found a tumor the size of a golf ball.

They surgically removed that one, and treated the others they could see with a focused radiation procedure. Then she started chemo.

She went through a full course of chemo, and it halted the stuff in her lungs. She had to have two more rounds of radiation for the stuff in her brain though.

She had anxiety attacks, thanks to the changing brain chemistry. She went through all the misery that goes with chemo, including losing her hair. She refused to wear a wig. She said "I have cancer. I don't have anything to be ashamed of, if people don't like it, they don't have to look!"

She fell in love with one of the pups when we had the baby schnauzers around. When he was potty trained, he came to live with her. He had such a dramatic effect on the anxiety that her oncologist proclaimed him a service dog. He cut her medication in half, for a long time.

She never gave up. Never. The doctors were all amazed, nothing was progressing as fast as it should have for this aggressive cancer. She just kept going.

Until tonight. Tonight she lost the fight. Her body just ran out of resources to fight with, and in the end, it was a mercy.

She will be missed, and loved, always and forever, but her fight is over now.

Rest In Peace, Mamaw. We love you.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Protips

Some handy hints for dealing pleasantly with your cashier:

1. When you're loading things on a belt that runs under a raised platform for anything, make sure the tall stuff will miss it. If you fail to do so, don't glare at the cashier when your two liter bottle of soda falls over.

2. Take a moment as you're loading the belt to realize that if you want things bagged in an organized fashion, it's far more efficient if you organize them a bit going in. Regardless of whether you're ok with your Irish Spring sitting on top of your ground turkey, they're not allowed to do it. Grumbling about having bags with one item in there is sort of counterproductive when you have chemical products scattered down five feet of belt, and one bag will hold approximately six inches worth of stuff on that belt, reasonably. Less, if it's heavy.

3. If you have special requests regarding items, for instance, if you want a price check on something to make sure it costs what you think it costs, put that either at the front or the back. If you stick it in the middle of four million tiny items and tell us about it while it's still in your cart, we will forget, because we have a lot more shit going on than you realize.

4. It's not the cashier's fault. Unless that person dropped your eggs or threw your bananas against the wall a few times before throwing them in the bag, they have no control over what happens to your shit prior to it landing on their belt. If there's a problem in the store, by all means, inform someone, and the cashier may be the only employee you see during your visit, but don't throw blame at them. For the most part, they only leave their register for breaks, and they damn sure aren't spending their breaks running around the rest of the store messing stuff up. In fact, chances are, they're spending their breaks huddled out of the way somewhere trying to convince themselves they need the job more than they need to strangle the next customer that attacks them for something they have no control over.

5. Yes, at our store, we have a system to call the people who handle the front end management electronically, but please remember, there are several cashiers, other customers, and other responsibilities. They will get the message, but they may be running around the store for another customer, or helping another cashier, or doing a dozen things that require their attention, and they will get to your problem as soon as they can. Your issue is important, but we have no way to prioritize these things, it's first come first served. And no, there isn't a code for "this customer is going to punch me, come quick!" Although there should be.

6. If you're at a checkout that doesn't have a belt, please remember that we don't get the go-go Gadget arms until we've been with the company five years. If the counter is five feet long, and your stuff is at the end? We can't reach it. Much as we appreciate your concern for the well being of our muscles, by the middle of a shift, your attempt at assisting us in stretching and limbering up is not going to be as appreciated as you would like it to be.

7. Last, but certainly not least.... When there is limited space on the belt, and you want to get your stuff on there, we totally understand if you want to stack some stuff on top of other stuff. However. If you put long items under or behind other items where we can't get to them, eventually we have three feet of cleared belt, but for one item, which we can't move because there is other stuff on top of it, and we can't reach the rest of your crap either. Leave heavy items in your cart, they give us hand scanners for those. Place long items on top of everything else, not on bottom. Oh, and clothes? If you have five hanging items, and fold them all together on the belt, the chances of our ability to handle them smoothly and efficiently drops to zero. You don't like waiting, we don't like making you wait. If we work together on this and you don't do dumb stuff to make our jobs harder, we'll all have much better success.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veteran's Day

I spent my day at work today shaking hands with any veterans that came through my line. After I clocked out, I was grabbing myself some sodas, and happened to see a white haired gentleman in the aisle wearing a ball cap detailing his service in the Navy.

I stopped, set down my cube of Dew, and straightened just as he began to move on down the aisle. I stopped him by saying, "Sir?"

He turned to me with a puzzled look as I stuck out my hand, and told him "Thank you for your service." He shook my hand and stared wide eyed at me for a moment before murmuring "Thank you," and moving down the aisle.

His right pant leg folded under at the knee.

I hope you all thanked a Vet today.

(And yes, I did my best to show appreciation to my "pet" Vet today, but I was a bit hampered by the fact that I saw him for all of thirty five minutes or so, and now he's off to seek and destroy some tasty, tasty meat. Nevertheless, I'm proud of him.)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

New Menu

So, Darlin' Man and I have decided to eat healthier. Mostly because it's just a good idea.

Thanks to the fact that the basic premise (once you get past the hype) makes the most sense to us, we went Paleo. Or, mostly.

The idea behind the hype basically is to eat the stuff your body can process best. Some of the proponents get into some real fairy tale type stuff, but some of them just break it down into sheer biochemistry.

It's the second bunch we tend to prefer. Stripping naked and chasing rabbits through the underbrush with a stone knife doesn't really appeal to either of us. Plus, practicality sort of demands a certain level of tossing the fantasy out the window.

For instance, we can't come up with almond flour in the local stores. Which, believe me, has been a source of aggravation for me, since I'm trying to come up with healthy stuff that we can keep on hand for grab-and-go breakfasts... which pretty much means baked goods. Since modern cereal grains are "bad" because of the combination of sugars and carbs that have been bred into them, all purpose flour is supposedly a no no. Since I have access to neither a ready source of almond flour nor a food processor or blender to make my own (well, almond meal) I don't have much choice until I can get some ordered off the internet.

Another fun bit is the ban on potatoes. Sure, they're a veg, and meat and veg are pretty much the base of the paleo thing, but they apparently contain the wrong kind of starch to be "good" veg. Since, as a part Irish FarmGirl, who grew up on the lower end of the income spectrum, my recipe reservoir consists mainly of many ways to combine meat and potatoes in pleasing ways this has been something of a challenge to me.

In fact, until I got the recipe books that Darlin' Man kindly ordered, I pretty much hid from the whole concept. Turnips? I had no idea what to do with turnips. Or spaghetti squash. Or eggplant. Well, I still have no idea what to do with eggplant.

I'm figuring out the other stuff though. And while meals for the most part don't seem complete without potatoes, I'm figuring out how to deal with that, too.

On a side note: spaghetti squash does all right piled with spaghetti sauce, but the squash itself is sort of a pain to prepare, since it's hard as a rock to start with, and once cooked is nearly impossible to hold on to to scrape out the insides. I'm sure the technique comes with time but holding steaming hot, collapsing squash in one hand (with tongs) while trying to scrape the "spaghetti" out of the skin with a fork with the other is one of the bigger challenges I've faced in the kitchen.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Smoke Count

So. Due to the loving encouragement (with a minimum of dirty looks, sighs, and grumbling, considering the original plan had me quit and rolling in all the money I had saved by now) of my Darlin' Man, I've gone entirely tobacco free.

Not nicotine free, mind. The electronic cigarette is a wonderful thing and keeps the urge to kill people with dull knives, spoons, vehicles, European style deer head mounts, and/or whatever happens to be at hand, at only a slightly higher level than normal.

Now, I'm not saying there aren't some withdrawal symptoms... mostly psychological (it's not a fucking cigarette goddamnit and I want a cigarette!) but a few physical.

When I tried quitting with patches I had about the same level of the symptoms I have now... problem there was the insomnia coupled with vivid, emotionally upsetting dreams when I did get to sleep. We're talking, wake up bawling because your beloved (and dead) relatives are enumerating your many failures kind of upsetting. Farmmom was with me on that run, and she got vivid dreams too, but she got to dream of cinnamon rolls.

Tell me, how exactly is that fair?

Anywho, I got off cigarettes that way, but the lack of sleep and the dreams made me rush the system, trying to get past the chemically induced nightmares. When I decided to take the patch off, my mouth erupted in canker sores. We're talking seven big ones on my tongue alone, with even more all over the inside of my mouth. I couldn't eat, couldn't drink anything but tea (tannic acid numbs mouth sores) for several days. Doc basically said "that's an interesting presentation of nicotine withdrawals," and told me I had to wait it out.

I bought a pack of cigs when I left the doc's office. I can't afford not to eat with my metabolism.

There's been enough of a drop in my levels this time that while my mouth hasn't erupted in sores, the one spot I managed to bite myself in earlier in the week is refusing to heal. Irritating, but not goal smashing.

Another example is the cognitive twitches... my brain isn't working the way I'm used to it working.

For instance... earlier today I told Farmmom I was going on thirty six hours without a cigarette. Only problem with that is that yesterday I was at forty eight hours. Somehow my brain added twenty four to forty eight and came up thirty six, and I didn't even think about it until I started to write this post.

Aggravating. Everything is slightly slower, I'm taking noticeably more time to assess problems and decide on a course of action. Yesterday I locked my keys in my car... which doesn't seem like a big deal except that thanks to the key being chipped I have precisely one key to my car, and I can't get copies unless I drop big bucks at a dealership. So I'm always very careful to make sure I don't lock the keys in the car. Shortly after that I realized that Ford seems to be concerned with the same thing, since the car won't stay locked if the key is in the ignition. Didn't save me earlier since the keys were sitting on the seat, but it's nice to know now.

Anyway. 72 hours later today. They say after the third day things ease up. Here's hoping, cause I sure miss my brain.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Egg Drop? Not So Much....


Handy hint: when making fast egg drop soup at home you can make a really tasty and totally inedible thing.


I either poured the eggs too fast, or had too much agitation. Or both. The result is a half mushy, half chewy mess, the broth of which tastes lovely.

Bah.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Trends

We all take too much for granted. We never think about things or people that are always there for us. We think they will always be there.

We think that we will always have enough to eat, clothes to wear, and people we can always run to when things don’t go our way.

We think things will go on like they always have.

I have noticed a trend lately that disturbs me. Granted I am out in the middle of nowhere but our grocery shelves have more bare spots and less variety. More store brands and less name brands. Prices are going through the ceiling and what used to be staples aren’t so much anymore.

We raise cattle out here in my bit of what I call paradise. In the last year we have seen prices that we get at market increase drastically. You might think that this is a good thing for us and it is, but over all it shows that the prices at the grocery that we already think are high are going to take another increase. The increase in the prices we get at market for our cattle are directly linked to the prices on everything from steaks and hamburger to dairy products.

Last year we bought a hog from a friend of ours and had it butchered. I haven’t bought pork in the grocery in several months. I looked at the price of bacon the other day and my jaw dropped to the floor. In about 5 months the price of bacon has DOUBLED! I checked Wal-Mart when I went to the next town over yesterday and the price was less than my little local grocery but it had still increased sharply since the last time I actually bought bacon.

Prices of basically everything has gone up over the last year but these are the trends that I have seen mainly because I have not been buying beef or pork. When I checked prices yesterday I went into a bit of sticker shock. From what my friends are telling me the prices have went up slowly over the last few months and they really didn’t notice. Believe me I NOTICED.

We all know what fuel prices have done over the last few years so I really don’t need to say much on that subject except that it is running in the same trend.

Prices for medical services and insurance for medical services are frightening.

Utilities (gas and electric) are increasing and with winter coming on that will bring another cost increase, hide and watch.

Prices have gone up but wages haven’t. Unemployment is high, jobs are scarce. If someone loses their job it may take months for them to find another one. If you are an employer the regulations the government requires will eat you up. Between complying with regulations, taxes and cost of goods sold it has small business owners up against a wall too.

If this trend continues I am afraid we are going start losing those things we take for granted. We are going to have to work harder for basics and settle for less quality. And those people you have always been able to count on.? They are going to be too busy trying to survive to help you out like they used to. Their focus is going to change . When it comes to feeding your family or helping Joe fix his worn out car yet again guess what is going to win?

I don’t know what we can do to change this trend but I do know that I will be putting as much preserved goods as I can aside. I am luckier than most since I will always have something to eat since I raise my own beef and I’m not afraid of a little rabbit stew. But I do worry about the folks that live in the urban areas that don’t know how to find food unless it comes in a cellophane wrapper.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Ohio Animal Extravaganza

Everyone is apparently taking sides on the whole shebang in Ohio. If you haven't heard about it, where have you been? But seriously, it's getting sort of crazy.

Here's my two cents:

1. The fact that the outside cages were all open, but there were still, apparently, monkeys and or chimps caged inside the house, doesn't add up to suicide, to me.

2. The fact that a bunch of the animals were still within 500yds of their cages when the police arrived, really doesn't add up. Seems to me if the animals were outside the cages when the gunshot went off, they'd be gone. Also seems to me that if the cage doors were opened after the big loud noise, caution about the big loud noise might keep them slinking about long enough to realize that the guy with the food had become the food.

3. As for all of the welfare checks and cruelty to animals calls... nowhere I've seen has reported any action taken on the part of law enforcement or animal control. Knowing what I know about the way those calls work... if someone calls it in, they have to investigate, which means a report has to be filed on the incident. Therefore it's entirely possible, lacking any information about specific charges and or actions taken against the owner- which, by the way, I think the media would be all over if they had any indication of it- it's entirely possible that those calls were, at best, just overenthusiastic animal lovers, and at worst, some jerkoff with a beef causing problems.

4. At least one story said that his neighbors brought him carrion and dead cattle to feed the carnivores. If the neighbors had a serious beef with this guy, they would not be helping him feed his animals.

I just think it's all sort of fishy, for various reasons. The guy wasn't a saint, I wouldn't have been happy about the size of the pens, for instance, if I was in charge, but there aren't any real indications that he was evil or cruel, either. I'd like to see more investigation done on this but local law enforcement there have already declared it suicide, so it probably won't be done.

It sucks that most of the animals were killed, but one story I read had a comment from a zoo worker who tranqed a tiger which subsequently had to be shot by deputies as it charged her, before the tranquilizers could kick in. Situations like that, yes, you get dead critters. Sucks, but frankly better a tiger than a human trying to help.

There. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves in comments.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Slowdown

There are several times during the course of my duties when I might not try as hard to be quick. If you're a dick, I'm not too worried about how fast you get your Coors Light and Cheetos. If you're really interesting, I'm distracted enough to not be as fast as I can be.

Today may have been the best, though. In my line, separated by one kind old lady, were two Vietnam Vets who were exchanging stories. Both were diabetic, one had just had half his foot removed because of an infection.

Between the first, the nice lady who helped the second get his groceries out of his motor cart, and the second, I got a good half an hour of honestly interesting conversation.

Of course, I thanked them both for their service, and watched out of the corner of my eye as they stood near the doors and kept talking for another twenty minutes.

These are the times when I actually like my job, instead of liking my paycheck.

Blogorado III

Another successful gathering of the Tribe has come and gone. Sadly we said good bye to ChristinaLMT, Scifi and Mrs Scifi this morning. Thank you so much for staying and helping with the cleanup gang!!!!!! Miss Christina makes an amazing Kitchen Bitch and Scifi is a more than tolerable Garage Bitch. Mrs Scifi (she is one tough cookie ) was stuck with doing small things due to having had surgery last week. We had to take care of our gal!
Due to events beyond my control I was not nearly as organized on the food front this year. My prep was nonexistant and therefore the meals were a bit hit and miss on timing but everyone seemed to get full so I guess it worked out ok after all.
Those in attendance were Old NFO, AEPilotjim, LawDog, Phlemmy, Ambulance Driver, Matt G., Tam, Expert Witness and Holly, ChristinaLMT, Scifi and Mrs. Scifi, Farm Girl and Spear, the Atomic Nerds, Salamander,Evil Robot and Jennifer,and if I have missed anyone let Farmgirl know and she will fix my omissions.

As Promised a pic or two of the Battle buggy in all it's glory.
Some had to take it for a drive by shooting of steel targets.

Not that they actually hit much. Our bunch needs a lot of practice to make a good gang banger.



I came up with a few targets for the ladies that I thought would be fun to shoot. The biggest problem was when we set them up and headed back to the firing line a group of 4 GUYS were headed that way to make the crockery go splodey!!!



Spear brought his Boomstick that he had made. It was a huge hit! It even got a Tam squee. If I remember right (and I won't testify that I am ..... too much going on and too darn tired ) she said something like "this is MY boomstick"




Jennifer sure seemed to enjoy it! Of course AEpilotjim's Barrett got a lot of action too!




Some of the gang went over to declare Jihad on some prairie dogs. If you look at the foreground of this pic you will see what prairie dogs and drought will do to us. three months ago there was actually grass here


Some folks got into the costume thing. (I still don't understand how that came about. ) AEPilot Jim started it I think.Evil Robot and Jennifer were great in their new custom built leather for Blogorado!



Some of the ladies were ROCKING their costumes. How can you not have fun when you have this running around your house?

Salamander and Stingray stayed with the Mad Max theme. Sal was awesome! I said he won the costume contest until I saw Lord Humongus!













.
Sorry. I just can't do it. Not only do I value my life but I adopted the Nerds a few years ago and some things a mother will never ever do to her son!

Thank you all for coming! It was a wonderful get together and it lifted the spirits of a very special lady. She enjoyed having all of you there.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Ahhhh

Another Blogorado has come and gone. We had a blast, as usual, and it was just what was needed to bleed off some stress and add some smiles.

This year I had to come pretty much as a guest, since work is dumb and I didn't get a chance to go to the Old Homestead to help much. Farmmom pulled off 99.999999% of the food by herself, and OldNFO and JimJim and Farmdad got the range together, and I rolled in Friday afternoon with Darlin' Man and The Nerds to enjoy the party. So, all the kudos go to them, seriously, especially Farmmom for being awesome enough to feed that many people as well as she does every year.

Next year, though, I suggest a few people pick a night and cook and let Farmmom have a break, since I know we have some fine cooks in our bunch.

My lever action 22mag was a huge hit, which is only fair because it's awesome. It was a gift from my Darlin Man, who re barreled it for me and did a couple other minor tweaks, and did a damn fine job, frankly. It's a joy to shoot and just flat out fun to run, and accurate enough, as Phlegmmy can attest, to put a round in the white spot on a prairie dog's chest at across-the-big-pen distances in the corral. We were going hunting and happened to see some on the way in, so we stopped and popped a few.. this particular rat I had hit in the back half, thanks to failing to lead properly, he spun to face us, and just as I was getting lined up for the mercy shot she fired one off with the magnum and turned him inside out.

I'm proud of that little rifle and I'm glad everyone enjoyed shooting it... And no, it's not for sale, or trade, no matter what AD offers in addition to the Chiappa Of Suck, it's not going anywhere.

Got to shoot some really fun guns and laugh a lot, and spend time with my family... my immediate family AND my extended one.

It was good.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

BBQ Rub

Finally Farmdad has posted his recipe for his BBQ rub that several have begged him for. You can get it here.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11

My heart goes out to all of those who lost friends and loved ones on this day ten years ago and the days following.

My thanks go out to the men and women who put on a uniform to protect and serve the rest of us in this country, be they military, police, firemen, or EMTs. Whether they were inspired by that event or had made that choice before then, it doesn't matter. Thank you all, past, present, and future.

That's all that really needs to be said, I think.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Hrm

It appears that despite my utter lack of attention, this blog still exists... who knew?

Ok, ok, I know. I'm awful. I accept all accusations of bad bloggerhood and insincerely promise to do better in the future. Frankly, just not that much blogworthy has been happening, and if I start doing current events blogging that invites all of the crap I've always tried to avoid on this blog... so I'm quiet.

The last few months have just been boring, and most of the interesting stuff just won't make it on the blog. The adventure of learning to live with someone who's happiness actually matters to you probably provides plenty of blogfodder, but frankly a lot of it is no one else's business.

Besides, there haven't been any real fireworks. A few shots over respective bows in regards to various domestic details, but that's any roommate and just not interesting.

Survived an earthquake or three over a few days a while back. The first one was just a big thump. I thought the upstairs neighbors were throwing furniture at each other, which wouldn't have been entirely out of character. Then DM came out of the office/gunbunny room (formerly the master bedroom, but I was somehow convinced that giving up the big bedroom was a good move... and I'm still not entirely sure how it turned out that he was right) and said "Hey honey, have you ever been in an earthquake?"

"Um... I've lived most of my life in southeastern Colorado. Technically yes, since there's a fault line near by, geologically speaking, but not a noticeable one."*

"You have now."

Later that night, right about the time I was dozing off to sleep, another rumble came through, this one long enough to trigger the atavistic fear of the ground swallowing me whole or something ridiculous like that... and the not so ridiculous fear born from the knowledge that the building we live in is already settling oddly, to the point that we had to make allowances for the slope when positioning the gun safe.

It's odd, at the time I remember thinking "that doesn't sound anything like the earthquakes in the movies. Hollywood gets it wrong again, go figure." But two days later, the exposure to Hollywood's version had overwritten the soundtrack in my head. For a moment it also added an Indiana Jones-esque music track, but I stomped on that fairly immediately.

Other than that it's just life. Adventures in retail customer service but hell you can find those anywhere, and nothing major even there.

I'm happy, in love, and if I could wish for some more money, well, who couldn't? But I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I've just been spending more time with my love than my computer... can you blame me?



*This portion of the conversation may have been edited to make me sound smarter since I realized most of this later. I don't recall exactly the phrasing I actually used, but it may have been something like "Bwuh? Um. No.... what?"

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Monkey/Football Some Disassembly required

This weekend was a fun and crazy couple of days. Friends showed up to work on the car that Farmgirl hit the elk with.

We started out with the sawzall and that should give you the first clue on how this rebuild went.



The top did finally come off though.


Next was wondering if they could get more ammo in the trunk with the lid on or off. Then the back seat had to come out because really it was just too nasty to clean up. With the back seat out there were lots of loose hanging wires so you can guess what happened there. SOMEONE whom I will not identify decided to get rid of said dangley wires and proceeded to do so.

It was getting a little warm out so we decided to take a break and run it over to the range for a premature victory lap. Until it wouldn't start. Eventually the wire for the fuel pump was located and repaired.



IT LIVES!!!!!!!!


And his Royal Highness was transported on his throne to the range to turn money into smoke and noise.


The hand cannon that Speer built was just flat AWESOME!


And Princess Farmgirl sits her throne thinking of mayhem .

These pics are just the beginning of what was actually accomplished on the car but the rest will have to wait for later. Much fun and laughter was had and I'm looking forward to more in a couple months.







Friday, August 12, 2011

People are NASTY

Handy tip: if your six year old is prone to wetting herself without notifying you, don't put her in the basket seat. I don't care if she fits, just don't do it.

If you don't follow that tip and she does wet herself, don't make the cashier handle the urine soaked items when you can hold up the barcodes and she can scan them across the counter.

Also don't fail to notify an employee if your child leaves a puddle of human waste on the floor.

And especially don't start grade sorting the items and deciding not to buy things that were in the cart your kid pissed all over.

Seriously, people are disgusting. There's a stiff drink in my future in about an hour and a half.



Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Ahhhh

So tomorrow is payday, finally have an actual income again. I gotta say though for huge evil conglomerate devil worshiping soul eaters, the new job isn't late with the paychecks.

My pay is registering as in my account as of now, which means they're quicker on the draw than the old job was... their computer system didn't stuff the money into my account until eleven thirty at night, and here it is not even ten thirty and I have money.

It's a huge relief to be productive again, I hadn't realized how much stress the lack of pay from the old job had given me, between the broken rib and the boss dicking around with me, until I saw that number in my account and felt a bunch of muscles just let go.

Of course, tomorrow I get to spend a good chunk of it, between getting tires on my car (again, already, this is not happy and I'm sort of hoping I can manage to shove at least part of the cost up corporate ass cause I put those tires on three months ago) and getting another set of stuff for Farmdog.

See, we can't have pets in this apartment. Not having my puppies has been driving me batshit. However, one of DM's smithing buddies thinks he might want a dog but hasn't ever had anything but family dogs. So, he's gonna keep Farmdog for a few months as a practice dog.... get an idea without the commitment of a puppy. She'll be in a nice place nearby where I can see her every day, and I trust him to take good care of her when I'm not around.

It's not perfect, and it's only one dog, but it might just hold me until January when we'll have a chance to get into another place.

Friday, July 29, 2011

A Friendly Note


If you're in a big store and trying to check out, and you see the light on a checkout go off, it's rude as shit to run for that line.

"I saw the light go off and figured you were headed to lunch so I knew you'd be quick."

Jackass.


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A New One On Me

The other day at work, while I was working the twenty items or less aisle, at the far end of the store, I was bored out of my mind. Mostly because I was the absolute last register in the line as far from the "busy" end of the store as you can get. So, I was doing what I was told to do, standing in front of my register aisle and looking for customers to help, whether they had twenty items or a hundred and twenty.

This guy comes by, I give him the smile and "I can take care of you right here if you're ready," and he starts unloading his cart.

This is when I begin to suspect that this guy might not be right in the head. Lots of four packs of toilet paper, tons of vitamins, potted meats, and fruit. As I start scanning and bagging this dude starts telling me how he's stocking up for TEOTWAWKI. I'm thinking standard Last Man On Earth economy collapsing survivalist nutbag, but no, he threw a curveball at me.

See, there's this rogue planet, which will come between the Earth and the sun for three days sometime in September, causing a three day eclipse, flipping the planet, electromagnetic fields wiping out the electrical grid and all of modern technology.

Apparently, this is what wiped out the ancient Sumerians, and they documented everything leading up to it, which matches all the stuff going on now with the weird weather and volcanoes and earthquakes.

I got the whoooole story, and it stretched my ability to remain polite. I was able to act mildly interested because I hadn't heard this particular delusion before, but the guy in line behind this dude developed a decided cough at certain points.

This is my world now.... someone help me.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Re-Employed

Well I got the job, I'll be register-monkeying for an Evil Corporate Giant. Had orientation yesterday which was just the typical orientation for one of those companies, without even anything amusing to break the monotony.

Monday I start taking tests and doing training. Excitement. I get paid for it, though, so I'm not complaining.

This weekend DM and I will be dragging some noobs across to shoot prairie dogs and eat Farmmom's cooking, and I'll be tossing them out of the truck in the pasture with a bag of cake for my own amusement.

Yes, I'm aware that I'm a bad person. Now, I need to start thinking about dinner.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Make Your Own Ego-Space

I just did something that I hate doing. I deleted a comment. With all of the bloggers who delete comments because they disagree, or make them look bad, I turned on verification to get rid of the auto spammers and went on with it.

However, on my last post, an anonymous commenter posted a series of urls claiming to know the truth about 9/11.

Here's the thing. They got past the verification which means chances are it's a real person. Which means someone decided to hijack what small popularity I have in order to spread their personal message.

They also decided that my blog, which I try very hard to keep fairly apolitical, would be the proper venue for this.

Look. You have an agenda and that's great. You have a firm belief in that agenda, so good for you. But this is my little ego-stroking corner of the internet, not yours.

Yes, I deleted your comment. I didn't even look at any of the links, and I frankly don't care if you have pictures of George Bush getting reamed from behind by Osama Bin Ladin, or if you're a crackpot. This is my blog and I don't appreciate others using it to further an agenda without permission.

So get the hell off my lawn, and get your own space, goddamnit.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Rumors of My Death

Are greatly exaggerated. Mostly I've been doing the job hunt thing and spending time with DM.

On the job front, looks like I've got it nailed down, barring any goofy surprises with the background check. Went in for an official Job Offer meeting thingy today, did the pee-in-cup thing, and thanks to modern technology the results were in in ten minutes. Evil corporate giant offered me a thirty cent starting wage boost because of my experience in customer relations, and 8.50 an hour is nothing to sneeze at in this area.

So yeah hopefully some time next week I'll go do the orientation thing and get to work. I'm ready, and it's time.

Otherwise I've just been helping DM out as much as I can and trying not to lose my damn mind over having no steady income, which may or may not have been going as well as I think it has. You'd have to ask DM about that one.

I'm puttering along on the next chapter of Jane, my concentration isn't exactly helped by the herd of children in the apartment above DM's that seem to think that the more noise they make the better. I swear today somebody judo-flipped the couch up there.

Now, it's time to put something together for dinner. The rain today means it's not insanely hot, so I can actually cook. Mmmm food.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Happy Independence Day folks!

I hope you have a fantastic weekend with the BB Q's , fireworks and spontaneous football games.

As you eat your burgers and hot dogs remember what it took to get here. Remember that people fought and died to give us the freedoms we enjoy and that we have a responsibility to uphold the ideals of those brave individuals.

Take the time this weekend to let your family and friends know that they are loved and appreciated.

Farmmom

Friday, July 1, 2011

At Long, Long Last, Chapter Ten

For those of you who have waited patiently (or impatiently, as the case may be) for so long for the next chapter of Jane, I have good news.

That news is that I seem to have come up with quite a bit of time on my hands for the moment, so ya'll get another chapter. Same rules apply, one dollar donation gets you the next chapter, add em all up if you're behind, and the first four are free on the sidebar to the right.

I'll try to get a few chapters ahead and maybe finish this one while I have the downtime, but I'm not making any promises. It's entirely possible and looked rather promising at interview for one job, so I may not get it all the way done before my time is curtailed.

Anyway, Chapter Ten is available! Woohoo!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Ah, So.

As most of you have probably figured out, I have come to dread going in to my job. Sometimes because of the customers, but mostly because of the boss.

See, my boss is a brand new manager. He claims he ran a dry cleaning business for umpteen years and managed his people just fine, which may be true. He also may have employed only horsewhipped lick-spittle submissive puppies, because that seems to be what he wants.

Last night I walked into work to find the fourth... yes, I said fourth... instance of his addressing a putative issue in a public note for all employees to read instead of with me. Never saying anything actually about anyone, or using names, this coward avoids confrontation and (he thinks) maintains plausible deniability by fuming and bitching to other employees until he just can't take it any more, at which point he posts a snarky little note in an attempt to cow the "problem" employee into proper submissive behavior.

The first of these notes was shortly after I had posted my required time off for Farmmom's knee surgery and the subsequent follow up visits. It was something along the lines of the first time off request in a month, you get, the second if possible, and the third was a coin flip.

I promptly went to him and told him that mom had doctors appointments every time I had requested time off, and if he couldn't manage to give me those days off, I'd find other employment that actually, you know, had a heart.

He assured me that it was to "head off at the pass" everyone asking for every weekend off, etc. Nevermind that nothing of the sort had happened.

Last night it was concerning breaks. Now, looking at Colorado labor laws which have changed since the last time I looked at them, he's within his rights to limit smoke breaks to five minutes every two hours, considering the break requirement is ten minutes every four. However.

The addendum, in red ink when the rest of the note was in black, of "not a reading session" just corked me right off. Number one, he can't tell me what to do on my break. He can limit the time and frequency within law, surely. He can, legally, require me to stay on the business property during said break, unless it's a lunch break. He cannot tell me I can't read a book.

My dilemma now is whether to finish writing this official resignation letter to be forwarded to his direct boss and corporate headquarters detailing ALL of the straws that broke this particular camel's back, and slap him in the face with it, which is guaranteed to cause a scene, or simply go in, verbally give my two week's notice, citing the note posting and other reasons, in private, minimizing hullabaloo and sending my letter to corporate detailing what I feel to be his failures as a manager quietly.

Given these failures include causing my broken rib, refusing to answer my attempts to contact him after said broken rib, and taking an hour and a half to get into the store when a *customer* finally got a response out of him so that I could go to the ER, I'm not letting them lay. I've discussed that incident with his immediate boss, but corporate should know about it I think. Especially given that I didn't report the rib to workman's comp, when I could have, in an effort to be a good employee and save the company money etc.

I'm probably going to go the second route, because as much as I'd like to detail his ancestry, personal grooming habits, fondness for touching female employees in a familiar manner (not quite jumping the border into inappropriate) and complete lack of managerial skill, I do not want to be the chick that caused that scene at the stop-n-rob.

Besides, most of my night time regulars already know what's been going down. A lot of them because they asked me why I had a maniacal grin on my face last night, having made the decision to tender my resignation about five seconds after seeing that note.

Off to get dressed (for riding, because I have shit to do today before work, if he doesn't tell me not to bother coming in tonight) and go speak to the soon-to-be-former boss. Since I've been firmly controlling my urges to tell him to go piss up a rope in an effort to go along to get along because of various circumstances outside his control, he hasn't dealt with that facet of my personality yet.

This... should be interesting.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Welfare Mentality

The first ten days of the month are hell. That's when everybody gets their foodstamp money. See, Colorado came up with this idea that rather than have everybody get their money at once, they'd spread it out over the first week of the month. Whatever the last digit of your social security number is, that's the day you get your deposit. And I detest this portion of the month working where I do.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm glad there are programs out there for the people who are honestly struggling to support their families. I'm glad that the single mother who was widowed after the birth of her third child has a way to get assistance.

However. I am sick to death of seeing people come in my store and buy thirty dollars worth of junk food on food stamps. Their children are badly behaved, unkempt, and frankly they smell.

And, if you're doing your grocery shopping at a convenience store, you're doing it wrong. Sure, we carry staples like flour, sugar, bread, etc. But if you're feeding your children entirely out of a c-store, paying our prices for lunchables and junk, you are flat ass doing it wrong.

Oh, and when I see you buy thirty dollars worth of soda and candy on the gubmint card, then whip out a hundred dollar bill to buy name brand cigarettes? You automatically lose any respect I may have had for you.

Stop feeding your children junk. Stop sending your children into my store with the card. Stop abusing the system because you don't feel like paying for your own shit.

You! Yes, you, with five hundred dollars in food stamps and a brand new SUV. Get the fuck off my lawn and out of my paycheck, I'm sick of supporting your chocolate and soda habit you overweight entitlement whore.



I'm sorry, did that come across a little bitter?

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

EHV:1

Gotten a few questions about my last post, so here's the quick and dirty skinny:

EHV is Equine Herpes Virus. There are four ways it can hit but the main two are usually a version that causes spontaneous abortion in mares and a respiratory version.

Unfortunately one of the other versions creeps into the spinal fluid and brain and causes a severe infection, a myeloencephalopathy. They call this version EHM.

No one knows why any one horse gets EHM or why one strain of the virus is more likely to hit as EHM. All they know is when it does, you're pretty much screwed. Your horse's brain and spine will become inflamed, blood vessels swell, and it can just flat out lose the ability to stand. Once that point is reached there's really not a lot to do other than to put the horse down: chances are the damage is done and it'll never stand again.

To top off this big birthday cake of suck, the mutation in the virus's DNA that allows it to enter the nervous system (and they've only found one in comparative DNA analysis) also causes more shedding of the virus: the version that creeps into the brain is the version that is the MOST contagious.

This outbreak started at a cutting competition in Ogden Utah. So far Colorado, Idaho, New Mexico and Utah are tied for fatalities with two each, and Arizona, California, and Oregon following with one each. Confirmed cases numbers are far wider spread, and the associated deaths are higher as well, as not everyone reporting a case has a vet run the test before they euthanize.

So far the stats I found (read, the first place I pulled up, which is tagged as of 5/25/11) are reporting 35 horses from the Ogden event with EHV:1, 25 with EHM, and 9 total deaths related, suspect or confirmed.

That's primary exposure. All those horses left that event and went other places. Secondary and tertiary exposure stats stand so:

14 EHV:1, 3 EHM, 2 deaths related, suspect or confirmed.

The stats I quoted earlier on the state by state death count were slightly more recent, as of 5/27.

The scary part of this is, even if they manage to quarantine all of the effected horses, this virus is a lot like Parvo in dogs: the virus can live on surfaces for a period of time and in fabrics and woods for a longer period of time. Contaminated tack, buckets, clothes, blankets, stalls, all of those can infect another horse. I'm not sure about the time period but I sure as hell wouldn't put any of that stuff near another horse without a good disinfecting.

The current on-the-market vaccinations for EHV:1 may or may not protect a horse against EHM. They just don't know. None of the current vaccines claim any efficacy against the neurologic strain, but even the "normal" virus is nasty enough to be worth vaccinating against.

Events have been postponed or canceled in order to try to control the outbreak and minimize exposure, horse owners are being advised to keep their horses home and isolated, monitor temperature and nasal discharge if they may have been exposed, and generally just use caution until the outbreak is contained.

Some reports I've gotten from friends, who got them from friends, say that it takes about eight hours from a horse showing neurological symptoms for it to lose the ability to walk and or just fall over dead.

If ya'll have more questions by all means ask and I'll dig up answers if I can, but right now it's late and I'm tired and going to bed.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Equine PSA

Sorry for the dearth of posting guys, things have been hectic without many of the entertaining moments that would create blogfodder.

However, at the moment I feel like I should do a PSA for anyone who hasn't heard about this yet:

There is a variant on EHV:1 going around, it's hit an Ogden Utah event and a few others that I know of, and it's bad folks. Instances of the neurological symptoms are high and on average horses are reportedly dying within eight hours of displaying the neuro symptoms. If you travel with your horses, if your horses aren't vaccinated against EHV:1, hit your vet up for the shot. If they've traveled in the middle of the country recently, get em tested.

Several events in my area and potential range of travel for breeders and shows have been canceled or rescheduled.

My horses will be staying quite firmly home until this outbreak dies down. Nobody here but us chickens on our place, so the chances of picking up the infection are slim to none, and not even good friends are gonna borrow pasture/pen space without an all clear from the vet.

This ain't no joke, folks.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My Feet Won't Like It

But may paycheck will.

Cow-orker called in sick tonight, which means that another clerk and I get to split her shift... I'm home to put my feet up for a couple hours after an eight hour shift, only to return and do another four.

My feet already hurt, and I've been up since seven thirty this morning. I think I'll make it all the way to my bed before I fall over tonight.

Maybe.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Ahhhh

So, I haven't ridden since late last fall. First, it was winter, and I'm a weenie. Then things were hectic enough that I just didn't have time.

Then I broke my rib and I had tons of time... and couldn't ride. It was driving me batty. So when mom told me we needed to move cows, I practically did a happy dance.

Since I'm back on regular schedule at work as of tomorrow, it was the perfect excuse to go ride before I run out of time again.

Of course... I haven't ridden since last fall, so all of my cowgirl callouses have... well... vanished.

And, the move was seven miles, but I'll bet Rebel and I did ten, what with all the back and forthing and circling to keep pushing everybody along in between wheat fields just full of juicy green stuff we had to keep them from nomming on too much.

So, I'm sore. My seat bones hurt. The insides of my knees feel like hamburger. My abs ache. I'm reminded quite vividly that I haven't been to the chiropractor since the accident and my back isn't exactly the way it's supposed to be. Plus, I got a nice sunburn.

Damn, I feel good!

Of course, I probably won't say that after work tomorrow, since it'll be the first shift over four hours that I've done in over a month, and I'll probably be walking like an old lady, but still... damn I feel good.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

He Never Should Have Taught Me That Rule....

DM and I were talking earlier tonight and had the following conversation:

DM: New Rule, which I just made up, can't let it pass the morning. No smothering me the next night.

Me: New Rule, which I just made up, you don't get to make up rules.

DM: Bollucks. How does that work?

Me: Cause I blamed you first.

DM: That rule sucks, or blows, or something.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

DM Is Indeed Darling

After listening to me whine about wishing I'd gotten a bigger tank for Bart, for multiple reasons, including but not limited to the fact that the tank I had couldn't be filtered effectively without tossing the poor fish around in the current, DM decided to be indeed darling (alternately read: got fed up with it) and while we were at Petsmart on another errand told me "Pick one, it's yours."

So I got this one:



Minus the dinosaur decoration and the boy's room, of course, that's the product picture from Petsmart's website. Three more gallons than I had with an integrated filter system that is far more gentle (and surprisingly enough, effective) than the one I had for the old tank, so Bart doesn't have to swim his little fins off just to keep from being tossed all over.

The difficulty of keeping Bart's tank clean had caused me to try to introduce a rubber lip pleco in the old tank, which didn't last long, alas. I feel bad about it but all signs pointed to things being, if not settled, at least not murderous, when I abandoned my watch, only to come back and find the poor thing dead.

Did a little digging and found some tips on introducing new fish to a betta's tank, the best of which seems to have been to temporarily remove the betta and re-arrange the tank, remove or add decorations and move any that you leave in, to make it a new territory.

I wasn't entirely confident but the tank was to the point of having to clean it every couple of days, so I tried something with a little more protection and attitude next. I introduced a Cory Catfish, which managed to survive, either by dint of being faster than Bart or poking him in the snoot a few times with it's spines to teach him the error of his ways. Or both. Whatever it was, it worked, and he survived.

When I got the bigger tank, I added another Corey, since I had room, and named them Darrel and My Other Brother Darrel.

I also got three mystery snails cause they're reputed to be an awesome cleanup crew, more than for any real desire for them for themselves.

I've been pleasantly surprised, though, at the snails. They're far more interesting to watch than I expected... I got the mystery snails cause they're more fun to look at than the other species, expecting them to hang out on the walls of the tank and putter around not doing anything quickly enough to be interesting.

So now I have plenty to watch to keep myself entertained when I can't sleep, as Bart glides around the tank, the Darrels do their little catfishy searching for food in the crevices dance, and the snails do their thing, which sometimes, apparently, includes training jumps for the First ParaSnail Platoon.

Every so often they'll take it into their heads to turn loose of whatever they're clinging to and dive to the bottom of the tank. We're not talking fold up and fall down the wall, here, they always land more to the center of the tank. None of them has made it that far yet but they're definitely not just falling.

So far the most common time to see this behavior is about three to five minutes after I've put in some shrimp pellets. I'm assuming that as the pellets soften they release a taste or a smell into the water alerting the catfish and the snails that dinner is on, but around that time you'll often see one or more of the snails suddenly unass the wall of the tank and go diving for the bottom, only to race (and I use this as a relative term, they are, after all, snails) across it and pounce on one of the shrimp pellets.

They must be crack, or something, cause they'll push and shove at each other to get to them if one snail manages to cover up the whole hoard.

Here are a couple pictures of the black snail and the white one (they deserve names, I'm undecided between something extremely politically incorrect or something in keeping with the fact that they're MYSTERY snails...) today with the shrimp pellets:


In the second photo, the white snail has actually pushed the black snail over, leaving it clinging to the few pieces of gravel it had been able to hang on to, and of course, the shrimp pellet.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Puppehs!

One of the babies that was claimed before he was even born is going to his new home tonight. We brought him over to Mamaw's to give him a bath and his first clip, and brought one of his brothers for company.

Fuzzy pup is a proud daddy and plays with the puppies every chance he gets, and today they all managed to wear each other out.





Saturday, April 9, 2011

At Work


As you can probably imagine I'm fairly useless at work. The restriction on lifting pushing and pulling has me knocked down to running the register and the plain fact is I can't handle standing for eight hours right now.

So I'm working three hour shifts covering here and there when it's busy and the day shifts would otherwise be alone.

Today shortly after I came in the new assistant manager called me over.

"Could you help me out for a minute? I know you're all retarded but I promise I won't break you any more."

On the bright side she's looking at making up a more permanent schedule for when I'm not broken anymore. I don't know how well it'll fly with the boss but her plan is to give me weekends off since I close most of the time.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Male Chauvinist Guinea Pig

Since we appear to be the perfect image of one of those couples in which the man wears the pants and the woman is the little lady who stays home and cooks and cleans etc (on the surface only anyone who knows us knows better) DM has been attempting to play the role of the Chauvinist Pig on occasion.

Problem is, he just can't pull it off. He'll tell me to make him a sandwich or something, and he can't keep a straight face. I can be in another room and I can hear the lack of a straight face.

About half the time he'll get halfway through with a straight face and then feel it going wrong and break off with a "Damnit, I thought I had it that time..."

He keeps trying though, he's determined that he's gonna make it one day, but until then, he's just my Male Chauvinist Guinea Pig.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

A New Ride

Got the new wheels today, a 2000 Ford Taurus this time.

And, to help ward off large game, Farmmom and I whipped up a special keychain for it.... ( ok, mostly Farmmom but I sanded off the worst of the sharp edges...)





In a pinch, it would also make a fairly decent punch dagger. Mother Nature's Multitool....

Thursday, March 31, 2011

War Machine Update

I've added a count to the sidebar to keep track of where things are at on the War Machine fund. I'll update it as things come in.

If we don't reach the goal, I'll refund any donations that already hit the PayPal account.

Um, Er... Yeah. Ow.

Somehow no matter how sure I am that I'm banged up "enough" I usually find a way to make it worse... and since I'm currently drugged up and absolutely certain ya'll want to hear about it, I decided to put up a post about it.

The speculation as to whether or not one of my ribs was cracked is now pretty much settled, pending the official report from the radiologist. Except that it's not cracked anymore....

Shortly after my help left I discovered that I was out of cheese for pizzas. Considering I'd just gotten an order for three of em, I was gonna need that, so I went to the cooler only to discover that no one had gotten any more out when they used the last of the last box.

Now, I'd like to note here that I knew full well I shouldn't lift that forty pound box. I just didn't have a better idea at the time. (Shortly afterwords I realized I could have opened the box and moved the bags one by one, but that was while I was thinking of a million and one ways to kill someone with a bag of frozen mozzarella.)

I hefted the box, started from the freezer to the cooler, and about halfway from where I picked it up to where it needed to be I felt a sort of pop, and my knees damn near gave out on me.

Short version, it took a couple hours to get someone in to cover, and a couple more hours in the ER, but Doc says he sees a fracture, and they'll call me with the official report tomorrow. I've never had a broken rib before but from the way it felt I'd call it broken, myself, even though I didn't see anything obvious on the x-rays.

They gave me a shot in the ass though so I'm feeling pretty good right now. Toradol, for the medical geeks.

Boss is pissed cause I have official no lifting pushing or pulling whatsoever doctors orders until I'm released... with a follow up in two weeks and unlikely to be fully released for six. Which means I can't do nights.

I'm totally upset about that considering I've been trying to get off nights for months now.

On the other hand he may just take me off the schedule for not being able to do enough of the job, which would suck but it would suck less than finding out that another rib had a crack that I can turn into a break, I guess.

I'll find out what's going on there tomorrow, I'm scheduled to close but I don't know what he'll do with that... And on that note I think I'll go get some sleep in case I get a call in the morning that I swapped shifts with someone. First impression seems to be that he'll schedule me off Friday Saturday Sunday and Monday for next week, which will eat my paycheck but give me a chance to heal some. We'll see.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

War Machine Fundraiser

AEPilotJim has decided that the next incarnation of the Crown Vic needs to be a Blogorado War Machine. Since I'm having to replace the car I bought last month I can't afford to just keep it and turn it into said war machine if I can get money out of it.

So, he's started the Great War Machine Fundraiser. Details here.

It's either going to get the top chopped off and the interior hosed out and become the war machine (with any modifications beyond that being on the Blogorado crew) or it's gonna get taken as is to my car guy.

At this point I don't really care where the car ends up, but JimJim and the Blogorado crew are all hyped about the idea of a war machine, so if you're hyped about it too, have at it.

Edit: Due to logistical difficulties (I.E. JimJim is in bloody Africa) the fundraiser money is apparently just going into my tip jar. Put "war machine" in the note on the donation, if you decide to contribute.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Injury Chronicles Update

So I'm starting to heal up and I think all of my owwies have made themselves evident here's the full roster:

Bruised and possibly cracked ribs, right side, three of em or so.

Jammed/sprained wrist, I thought it was sprained then it popped and felt a little better but it's still sore enough that I think it's sprained too.

One nick on my forehead.

Bruising on my knees from hitting the dash.

Sore back, and right shoulder.

Goose egg that's nowhere near as big as I expected it to be.

All in all I got off light.

And, since everyone is curious about how exactly the elk got on the roof, here's the breakdown based on what I saw and the damage.

Refer to the photos for visuals.

Elk came out of the right hand ditch, and attempted to jump the hood. His back legs leave the ground before getting whacked by the passenger side headlight, starting him spinning to face the rear of the car.

Shoulder/chest impacts around the middle of the roof at the top of the windshield, gut hits just inside the passenger side door post, hindquarters wrap around the side of the car.

Momentum carries his shoulders up over the roof and he slides off leaving the smear on the passenger rear door.

I came to a stop shortly after the end of the blood trail on the highway.

DM says the bit of elk stuff in the passenger floorboard was likely stomach rather than lung, which could have come in either through the windshield as he hit or the passenger window as he slid by.

That's as near as I can figure, anyway. Right up to the part where I hit his back legs, I KNOW that's what happened. The rest is based on that and the damage to the car and my very general knowledge of physics.

Karma

She's a bitch.

The title to the Crown Vic arrived in the mail today.



Saturday, March 26, 2011

Elksplosion

So, very early Friday morning, I was headed across on a lonely stretch of highway (do we have anything else here?) and I had a close encounter of the elk kind. I'm fine, but my car is totaled. Yes, I'm a little banged up but all things considered I got off damn lucky and I'll take it. So many things could have been that one little bit different and I'd have been done for.

As is I got off with a mildly sprained wrist, some bruised ribs, a whack on the head and a really clear impression of the rear view mirror on my right forearm. Plus assorted bumps and bruises and aches and bits of glass everywhere, of course.

Without further ado, and in no real particular order, I give you the Elksplosion.














Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Blargh

Delivery truck was late tonight, resulting in my having to juggle customers, counting all the crap they were hauling in, and pizza making all at once. Follow that up with an unusually steady Tuesday night and getting all my regular work done, and I feel like somebody smacked me.

To top it off I may be getting yelled at tomorrow because I made an executive decision when my cow-orker was wringing her hands. We had two separate, large grass fires burning in the area today, with high winds. The Salvation Army ladies were going to take stuff out to the firefighters, who are all volunteer.

Boss wouldn't answer his phone, so I made the call and said we'd make a list of what they took and they could come in and pay for all of it when they had a chance. It's the Salvation Army they're not going to ditch out on a bill, and we don't have an audit in the next couple of days so it should be fine.

I paid for the coffee myself... most of those boys started out fighting a fire mid morning, and didn't get done until after nine pm. And those were the lucky ones. Some of em were still out there watching for flare-ups at eleven.

Grass fires are no joke this time of year, there's a ton of dry fuel and when the wind picks up they can really take off.

For the curious, one of the fires was on the Kansas state line. Go to google maps and find highways 116 and 160 in southeastern Colorado, through into Kansas.

In places, that fire spanned the entire distance between those highways.

The bright side is that it sounds like nobody lost their home. Several of the historical homesteads were burned, some telephone poles and two barns, between the two fires, but as far as I know it didn't get anyone's house.

Here's hoping there aren't any flare ups and we don't have any more.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

More on Chopsticks

Alternately: A Moron With Chopsticks.

Ok, so it's not that bad, but I really suck with chopsticks. A while back I got my back up and decided that I was going to eat a meal with chop sticks, one way or another, just to shut DM up. I still refused to use the giant clothespin, though.

Considering I was actually starving at the time I figured it was a good motivator.

DM chuckled at me, until I sat down and actually started trying to eat. And growling at my food. And cursing under my breath.

Then he got up and brought me a fork, which I of course refused to use. It was the principle of the thing, by then.

"We'll practice on popcorn later, eat."

"I am eating. With chopsticks. Shut up and be happy about this."

"You're going to die of starvation before you finish your food."

"Sweetheart....."

"I know, I know, shut up and be happy about this...."

And so it went. I did eventually start to figure things out, but about then my hand started cramping up and I had to pause. I got most of the meal eaten, but about the third time my hand cramped up I gave up and switched to the fork.

Most of my success was of the "it's not *right* but it made it into my mouth" variety. Considering we weren't in public at the time I didn't really care, although I didn't even bother to try eating the rice with the chopsticks.

DM swears the giant clothespin will help me learn to hold my hand correctly. I don't particularly care, I'm still not eating with a laundry-drying device.

I may, however, eventually, in some distant and as yet unrealized future, actually learn to use chopsticks correctly. Or not, cause I really do suck with them.

I still say they're a device used in poor countries to make what little food they have last longer. They certainly work to slow me down.

Sunday Puppy Sunday

Sorry Phlegmmy I had to steal it for this one. As promised, puppy photos!
















Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Puppies!

We have five beautiful schnauzer puppies as of some gawdawful hour last night.

Three little boys, and two little girls.

Two of them are already spoken for and we'll see about the rest. I'll get good pictures up when Belle settles into the mommy thing a little more comfortably. She's doing really well she just gets a little anxious if you fuss with the pups too much just yet.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Things I Hear At Work

One of the brighter young men around town just came in to buy some condoms. He dug through his wallet and came up fourteen cents shy of not having to break a five, and asked me if I had fourteen cents.

"Nope, sorry"

"Fine. Meanie."

"Listen, I'm all for safe sex but I'm not paying for your condoms."

"So what you're saying is you like safe sex."

"I'm a healthy mature female human with no hormonal or emotional imbalances, I like sex. But.."

And he interrupted:

"And your number is....?"

"I have a boyfriend dude."

"Well is he here?"

"He's close enough for now."

"But if he's not here.... Come on now it'll be fun!"

By this time his expression had taken on such a puppy-watching-the-treat-in-front-of-its-nose expression that I knew he was just fucking with me.

"I'm good, thanks though."

"But I have an abnormally large penis! Look, Magnums!"

And he waved the box of condoms at me with this Groucho Marx-esque eyebrow waggle.



Seriously. I can't make this shit up.

That's the point at which I lost it and started laughing and told him to take his abnormally large penis elsewhere for the night.



Monday, March 7, 2011

Something is Fishy

This weekend I added to the Farm Fam roster of pets yet again. This one is less of the fuzzy cuddly variety, however.

Meet Bartholomew Betta, AKA Bart. He's a gorgeous little thing with the personality of a... well.... fish.













Note: pictures were taken with the camera on my new iPhone. It's not easy to get a fabulous pic with it but it is possible.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Blood On The Walls

The last two weeks have left me in a mood to contemplate murder and mayhem, not the least towards my coworkers. Thankfully, I only have one shift left, after which I will likely take off like a striped-assed-ape to go see DM, because I am in serious need of some down time, and he's very good at making me relax.

Also, in coming attractions: Puppies!

That's right. Before too long we'll have Fuzzy Pup and Belle puppies, two of which definitely already have homes, and probably one more. The gal on the third just had border collie pups and offered to trade me straight across but I figured the fam would probably hurt me for that one. She's currently arguing with herself but is fairly sure she's gonna end up buying a puppy.

I'm hesitant to contract any more, not knowing how many little squirmers are in Miss Tubby's belly, but things seem promising for not having to work too hard to swap puppehs for money. Which is a good thing, really, since none of us have a lot of spare time to spend advertising them.

I'll post pictures when the fuzzy little bundles of joy make their appearance.