Alternately: A Moron With Chopsticks.
Ok, so it's not that bad, but I really suck with chopsticks. A while back I got my back up and decided that I was going to eat a meal with chop sticks, one way or another, just to shut DM up. I still refused to use the giant clothespin, though.
Considering I was actually starving at the time I figured it was a good motivator.
DM chuckled at me, until I sat down and actually started trying to eat. And growling at my food. And cursing under my breath.
Then he got up and brought me a fork, which I of course refused to use. It was the principle of the thing, by then.
"We'll practice on popcorn later, eat."
"I am eating. With chopsticks. Shut up and be happy about this."
"You're going to die of starvation before you finish your food."
"I know, I know, shut up and be happy about this...."
And so it went. I did eventually start to figure things out, but about then my hand started cramping up and I had to pause. I got most of the meal eaten, but about the third time my hand cramped up I gave up and switched to the fork.
Most of my success was of the "it's not *right* but it made it into my mouth" variety. Considering we weren't in public at the time I didn't really care, although I didn't even bother to try eating the rice with the chopsticks.
DM swears the giant clothespin will help me learn to hold my hand correctly. I don't particularly care, I'm still not eating with a laundry-drying device.
I may, however, eventually, in some distant and as yet unrealized future, actually learn to use chopsticks correctly. Or not, cause I really do suck with them.
I still say they're a device used in poor countries to make what little food they have last longer. They certainly work to slow me down.