Chopsticks

DM is a huge fan of eating with chopsticks. His military career coupled with several years working for outdoorsy go do this type outfits and basically living out of a tent or hotel room left him with a definite speed-eating disorder. When we eat together a lot of times we only spend half the time eating together... he'll finish and I'll still be eating. We talk, its not a case of him sitting there staring at me chewing my food, don't get me wrong.

Anyway, he feels like eating with chop sticks slows him down so he eats, as he puts it, "Like a normal human." So, he does so whenever he can.

To add to this tale, we both love Chinese food. He asks for chop sticks every time, and calls me a gaijin barbarian for eating with a fork. I just smile at him serenely and respond "Yep."

Or tell him that chopsticks come from countries where there isn't enough food so they have to make it last.

I've tried chopsticks before, I just don't have any skill with them, and when I'm eating, I'm hungry, and I don't want to take five minutes per bite to maybe get it in my mouth and maybe on my shirt.

DM being the dear (stubborn, pigheaded, obstinate) man that he is, and determined that I should learn to eat with chopsticks, ordered some of the little kids' training chopsticks for me.

He brought them over the other night and presented them to me with great aplomb. I was so very overwhelmed that all I could think to say was "I am not eating with a giant clothes pin."

I thought he was going to wet himself. So off we went to eat Chinese where he muttered about gaijin barbarians and I gleefully shoveled broccoli beef into my mouth while he wrestled a bit with the last of his beef chow mein before giving up and going to a fork for the last several bites. (See?!?)

On the way home we were discussing the chopsticks issue yet again, and he finally got frustrated with me calling them a giant clothes pin.

"They're not a clothes pin. They're spring... sprang.... sproing... sproingyboingyboingy.... they go the wrong way damnit!"

All while doing the chopstick-y motions with his fingers.

Quote of the year, I think. It was quickly followed up with "That is not getting blogged."

When I could breathe again, I replied "Oh yes, yes it is."

If there were no other reason for me to be completely head over heels for this man (and there are, ever so many) his ability to make me laugh until tears run would be enough.