Sunday, March 20, 2011

More on Chopsticks

Alternately: A Moron With Chopsticks.

Ok, so it's not that bad, but I really suck with chopsticks. A while back I got my back up and decided that I was going to eat a meal with chop sticks, one way or another, just to shut DM up. I still refused to use the giant clothespin, though.

Considering I was actually starving at the time I figured it was a good motivator.

DM chuckled at me, until I sat down and actually started trying to eat. And growling at my food. And cursing under my breath.

Then he got up and brought me a fork, which I of course refused to use. It was the principle of the thing, by then.

"We'll practice on popcorn later, eat."

"I am eating. With chopsticks. Shut up and be happy about this."

"You're going to die of starvation before you finish your food."

"Sweetheart....."

"I know, I know, shut up and be happy about this...."

And so it went. I did eventually start to figure things out, but about then my hand started cramping up and I had to pause. I got most of the meal eaten, but about the third time my hand cramped up I gave up and switched to the fork.

Most of my success was of the "it's not *right* but it made it into my mouth" variety. Considering we weren't in public at the time I didn't really care, although I didn't even bother to try eating the rice with the chopsticks.

DM swears the giant clothespin will help me learn to hold my hand correctly. I don't particularly care, I'm still not eating with a laundry-drying device.

I may, however, eventually, in some distant and as yet unrealized future, actually learn to use chopsticks correctly. Or not, cause I really do suck with them.

I still say they're a device used in poor countries to make what little food they have last longer. They certainly work to slow me down.

11 comments:

Old NFO said...

LOL- You're doing it wrong... :-) And practice (and hunger) do work as training aids!

falnfenix said...

i learned by picking up random objects with chopsticks...maybe give that a try? that way you're not distracted by OH GOD STARVING, and you can focus more on actually picking things up.

On a Wing and a Whim said...

Yeah, that sounds about like my first times with chopsticks, too. Right down to the "shut up and be happy!"

Practice helps, but I'm not sure I'm qualified to give pointers, because I think I may still be holding them wrong. As long it gets food into my gaping maw, it can be as wrong as it wants.

George said...

Remember, too, that the Asian custom is to pick up the bowl and bring it to the mouth. Not so far to go if your grip is tenuous.

DaddyBear said...

Yep, for loose stuff, they're more of a shovel than a set of tongs.

Jennifer said...

I'm not much help. I can't remember not knowing how to use them. I actually carry a set in my purse. But the idea of picking up non-food items is a good one. And, if food ends up in your mouth, you did it right. Well, I don't know if the stab/skewer method counts for that.

Old NFO said...

The best 'practice' is picking up peanuts... And yeah, it's frustrating as hell, but you learn :-)

LabRat said...

On the one hand, I admit I have been thoroughly defeated by chopsticks.

On the other, I refuse to feel bad about being accustomed to superior food-conveyance technology, dammit.

Anonymous said...

Cheetos are the perfect food to learn/practice chopsticks with. Added benefits include being able to reach deeper into the bag plus no orange fingers.

Earl said...

I like grains of rice, but my brother-in-law (Korean) tells me that I am doing it wrong, like I am holding them like a baby or a woman probably - it is a guy thing.

Southern Class said...

Nice Lady, I am 70 years old and have made it this far without learning how to eat with kindling wood. If I want to eat stuff with wood, I pick up some Shish-Ke-Bob. Beyond that, I will leave that skill to the Asians and liberals.