Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I'll Put It Out With Your Nethers, Next Time!

I've let this one sit for a full day, because I was rather hot about it. I figured let it rest for a while and I'd chill out and find a balanced way to speak out about a subject that is near and dear to my heart.

But, after more than 24 hours, I'm still pissed, so here's the straight skinny:

Dear Idiots:

I realize that you enjoy our natural recreational areas as much as the next person. I even realize that the fire helps you get poon, or whatever. But for the sake of your pot and booze or whatever it is you hold near and dear CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES.

If you have enough time to flirt back and forth as you're loading out your car, you have enough time to grab that sack of trash you left behind, and toss some of the water that was five feet away and douse your fire thoroughly.

And you, young ladies, you stood around shaking your just-beginning-to-be-post-sports-season-chubby asses to the beat of the music that you were all inflicting upon everyone else there, hollering across the water to the cliffs for the boys to watch while you did it. In between sitting in your comfy little chairs and making fun of my wardrobe, that is.

In response to your comments about my body type: I eat better than you do sweet cheeks, and you hate the fact that your boyfriend's eyes followed me in jeans, work boots, and what is, I agree, an ugly (but comfortable) tank top, while you were parading around in your "oops my boob fell out" bikini. Some of us stole time that probably could have been better used doing something constructive and labor-intensive to go to the Hole and relax. Don't worry, he got just as grossed out as you did when I grabbed that first fish, and he couldn't even see the blood from where it had swallowed the hook.

But you ladies, you had plenty of time to douse that fire, and yet, you left it hot behind you. Why? Your sheer damned laziness could cost everyone the enjoyment of that particular nature spot if one stray spark makes it into last year's dead leaves. One. That's all it takes, and not only does our shady, water filled, handy dandy party spot go up in flames, but if the fire reaches the back of the canyon, it spreads out onto the grass land, and you cost ranchers their livelyhoods.

Yes, I said it. Your "out enough" fire could take food out of the mouths of children, you selfish little pricks.

I've seen people who are considered by society to barely be good enough to tolerate show more respect for the place than you did. I've seen known drug dealers police their trash and make sure their fire was out out out before they left from their party.

I've seen ex cons take a hike through the back trails with a black bag sticking through a loop of their shorts and come back with a fifty gallon trash bag full of other people's leavings.

So you, you freshly graduated young things, all set to take over the world, should be expected to do better, not worse.

The fact that you bagged the trash shows that someone had an inkling of what should be done, but that person obviously didn't have the spine to insist on your packing it out with you, or on dousing your fire entirely.

So instead, when I discovered the results of your sloppy, self indulgent visit to our fair Hole, I took more time from my day to make sure your fire was doused, with half-empty sodas and water bottles, and when I ran out of them, out of sheer pique, my own work boots. So now the soles of my boots, which I had managed to keep relatively un-melted through a couple of tours of working road construction, and at least one asphalt-laying job, now have pitted, disfigured faces, where they encountered the coals that hadn't gotten doused or smothered.

Let me just tell you this, if I see you there again, we will have a discussion about proper "wilderness" etequitte. And if I catch you leaving a hot fire behind the next time, I'll drag you back by your ears and smother it with your lazy little asses. Maybe that will get the point across.

9 comments:

Diane said...

Make em sit on it until its out. Stuff like that can burn on for days, especially here in TX with our drought - by the way mini, this is blind - Hows farmdad and farmmom? Even when I was younger and we'd go partying in the forest and have bonfires, we'd make sure they were dead out and cold before we left, and packed out our trash with us. Maybe some stripey pajamas with orange vests by the sides of the road with sticks that have points on the end picking up papers.

Texas Ghostrider said...

You are the reason I love American Cowgirls.....

This post was right on the mark, Keep it up!

Old NFO said...

Well said FG- But you should have drug their happy little asses back right then. And I agree, make it a point to confront them the next time they show up and let them know a deputy WILL come calling if they don't take care of the place. And if the fire gets out, and is traced back to them, THIS could be them...
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/06/us/06sentence.html

Old NFO said...

Let me try that again...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/06/us/06sentence.html

Old NFO said...

Dang it, add ml to the end of the link... Sorry

pullfan said...

Wheeew! Boy am I glad you calmed down overnight before making this post! Any more fire in your words they would be etched into my monitor! Just wish these words could reach the people that do need to hear them! It realy all goes back to learning by example. And that just keeps getting passed down generation to generation. Sad!!!

Mark said...

may their young know-it-all butts be burned, singed and well beaten. The idiocy of the new generation of ours has me depressed. Your actions are a balm that not everyone under the age of 30 is brainless. :o)

hogdogs said...

As a beer swillin' hog hunter runnin' dogs in the woods, I prefer a slew of beers in a night or day of chasin' them mutts.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why a lighter weight empty is so hard for folks to tote out! Heck, they were able to handle the soda when it was 21 ounces (bottle is about an ounce)but when empty it jumps outta their hand and onto private property where I get to run dogs and they are my invited guest!
I carry a dozen cans of brew in my back sack and hope to find a creek to rinse the empty before I crush it and put it in the pack. If away from a creek, it goes in anyway as I can hose the bag out later.
Okay I ranted on your rant... hope yer scumballs read this as I hope my scumballs do!
Brent

Keith said...

I've had the same problem here. Well, not the part about their-boyfriends-eyes-following-me, that hasn't ever happened to me, but I have parked my pick-up sideways across a county road and acted stern until trash was picked up.