Monday, February 11, 2008

In Lieu of Jane...

I give you what I've been working on for Creative Writing. I'm going to look at it again and try to individualize the dialogue a little more, but it's not the character that we developed in class so I don't have the depth to it that I probably should. This is more for the laugh factor because of some stuff that got mentioned in class, and because I had such a great pun once I thought of it... (This is not intended to be a story in itself, it is simply a scene, a snapshot of a story. What comes before this, and what comes after, well, that's up to your imagination.)


It was a dark and stormy night.

Why is it always a dark and stormy night, you ask? Because it has better ambiance for my story than a bright sunny morning. Deal with it.

I didn’t know why I was sitting in this all night diner, playing with a coffee cup across from a private Dick. But, here I was, and if he called me doll baby one more time I was going to have to kill him just to make it stop.

“Listen, Doll, I know what you’re up to. I just don’t know why.”

“If I had a clue what you were talking about, I might be scared.”

“Eddie Farmer, John Smith, Steven Munster.”

“Never heard of ‘em. What’s a big strong man like you doing asking a working girl like me about all those men?”

“They all turned up dead, Doll baby.”

“So?”

“So, they turned up dead in your beat. Your competition told me they all picked you up the night they died.”

“And? I get a lot of dates.” This guy was really starting to get on my nerves. “It’s what I do.” I’d been a working girl for five years, walking the park and picking up lonely men to turn a quick buck.

“Well, I just have to wonder if it’s coincidence. You’re a hard-as-nails prostitute, and they were all found with their johnsons bitten off. It seems to me, that’s a clue.”

Well, I’m the living dead. A girl’s gotta eat.

I swear, you bite a few little pricks, and they’re all over you…..

6 comments:

mustanger said...

"It was a dark and stormy night."

Call it growing up in the '70's and early '80's, but I immediately though "...on a train bound for nowhere". hehehe

Living dead... ain't she supposed to be feeding on brains? Maybe those guys were "thinking with the wrong head" to be picking her up in the first place.

What's next? I bet the private dick pulls out a .38 and perforates her head to let the oxygen in and kill that bacteria. Then the dead won't be living. I've been through threads just like this one over on thehighroad.org a good many times.

Fyremandoug said...

writen 100 times on a chalk board somewhere in the Oregon territory

"I will wait patiently for Jane"

Thanks for a great blog F.G.

Castr8r said...

TOO FUNNY! To quote a "famous" lawman: 'gigglesnort". That last paragraph did me in, damn, a good laugh clears the head!

mustanger said...

And then I realize that the scene involving the "train bound for nowhere" was "on a warm summer's evenin'" and not "a dark and stormy night"... 36 hours after I first commented on this one. ***shrug*** Well, the night has long been noted for wierd happenings... like confusion, for instance.

"writen 100 times on a chalk board somewhere in the Oregon territory

"I will wait patiently for Jane""

IOW... everybody chant this...

"WE WANT JANE"

"WE WANT JANE"

"WE WANT JANE"

As if...

HollyB said...

Mustanger, you're not up on other worldly creatures, are you, Darlin'?

Livin' Dead could be zombie which wouldn't look so good after 5 years of being a zombie...OR she could be a Vampire. A Vampire would look just as good 100 yrs dead as one the day she died. And bitin' off a fella's johnson WOULD produce a veritable fountain of blood for her to drink. Plus, there wouldn't be any fang marks to mark it as a vampire kill.
Just thinkin' outload here.

mustanger said...

I'd previously known some of the stuff surrounding vampires, but just though zombies because I'm hearing a lot more about them lately. Been a while since I bothered to watch Buffy. Your train of thought on vampires does make sense.