So I slipped. About seven thirty tonight I remembered a half a cigarette sitting in the ashtray of my car.
I managed to get one of the doors open, without causing permanent damage, and I smoked it.
So, slip number one from complete cold turkey.
I don't have any more butts in the car. The next slip is going to require that I go somewhere to get it. Which will make it easier to resist.
The bad part is, it seems completely sensible to slip. After all, quitting will be so much easier if I don't tax my body too much, a complete cold turkey quit is a shock to the system, and makes a person feel like complete crap, whereas a tapering off... not so much. So why make it harder on my body?
That is, it seems sensible to slip, until after I've done it.
Admission of failure, even a small failure, is a thing that comes very, very hard to me. I've physically injured myself rather than give up on something that I've made up my mind to do, before.
I'm very stubborn. Usually.
I think addiction makes us all weak. Which totally sucks ass, if you ask me.