Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Ok, ok...

So I slipped. About seven thirty tonight I remembered a half a cigarette sitting in the ashtray of my car.

I managed to get one of the doors open, without causing permanent damage, and I smoked it.

So, slip number one from complete cold turkey.

I don't have any more butts in the car. The next slip is going to require that I go somewhere to get it. Which will make it easier to resist.

The bad part is, it seems completely sensible to slip. After all, quitting will be so much easier if I don't tax my body too much, a complete cold turkey quit is a shock to the system, and makes a person feel like complete crap, whereas a tapering off... not so much. So why make it harder on my body?

That is, it seems sensible to slip, until after I've done it.

Admission of failure, even a small failure, is a thing that comes very, very hard to me. I've physically injured myself rather than give up on something that I've made up my mind to do, before.

I'm very stubborn. Usually.

I think addiction makes us all weak. Which totally sucks ass, if you ask me.

3 comments:

mustanger said...

You're only what... 24-36 hours into this? One slip... I wouldn't consider it a failure. There've been plenty of people who spent their whole lives fighting an addiction. And like you said, any next smoke will require you to go somewhere and get it. Just keep being hard-headed.

OK Katrina said...

I figure that if you are hard-headed enough to hang in there with Monkey and make good progress with him, you are going to kick butt with only yourself to deal with. Even if you do get thrown a time or two.

Best Wishes,
Katrina

DBA Dude said...

If you have to fall off the wagon make sure that you do not buy your regular brand, go for something nasty like Gauloise - uh oh they are not sold in the USA any more.

Camel? or even better rolling tobacco.