Friday, September 21, 2007

When Stupid Reality Shows Come In Handy...

Or, Thank God I Live In A Semi-Basement Apartment.

I've been industrious today. I got all of my dishes done, cleaned out my fridge, did laundry... and took out the trash.

The fantastic habit I've developed of locking the door behind me... well. I was preoccupied. And my keys were where they live while I'm at home... in my catch-all dish.

Yeah, I locked myself out. I really need to stash that spare key in my car, instead of being preoccupied and blonde and forgetting to do it.

So I went looking for the complex manager, to get the office key and let myself in. No dice. Well, they were painting the hallways today... went all the way upstairs in my building, no dice. Stepped outside and eyed the entrances to the other buildings, but I didn't see any painting implements.

The toddler brigade was outside playing, though, so I asked the moms if they knew where the manager was. One of them didn't even know who I was talking about, and the other informed me that the manager and her husband had left for the evening.


So, I tried the cleaning lady's apartment. No one there either.


Sat in my car for a few minutes, read through The Raven again (hey, if I'm stuck outside of my apartment until they get back I might as well do something productive like take more notes for my paper, right?) and then had a thought.

See... when it first started, I was addicted to To Catch A Thief. Hey, it was fun to watch the goober homeowners agree to have their house broken into and still pull stupid stuff like leaving doors unlocked. Later it just became the same old schtick of trashing a house and soccer moms crying over the furniture being crooked or muddy footprints on the carpet, and I got bored with it.

But, I thought about it, and I thought I'd left my living room window unlocked. I'd had it open earlier today because there was a nice breeze, and I didn't think I'd locked it when I closed it... I always lock the windows before I go to bed, or if I'm actually going somewhere, but if I'm in the house I don't always lock them when I shut them.

Walked over to my window, and sure enough, I'd left it unlocked.

(Hmm. That's lovely, anyone can walk up to my windows and see if they're locked or not, plain as day.)

Now the only thing standing between me and the rest of my housework (gotta pee, gotta pee!) was the screen....

After a little poking and prodding, I discovered that my screens can be removed from the outside, if you have tiny little fingers and long fingernails.

(Or a flat head screw driver. Cripes, this is making me want to board the windows up.)

(Still, it's a good thing for me right now.)

(I'll have to tell Best Friend that she can't yell at me for my habit of chopping my fingernails off and then ignoring them until they get long enough to get in the way anymore.)

Slid open the window, groped under the blinds for the cord (don't want to tear up my blinds! They're what lets me walk around naked!) and climbed in, (Not head first, nimwit, the floor is down from here!) replacing the screen behind me.

(Crap I think I broke my ankle. What bright moment led me to pile all my shoes under the window? Ohhhh, gotta pee, gotta pee!)

I'm actually waiting for the cops to show up. My living room is just to the left of the front entrance of the apartment building, and faces on another complex, and the people over there seem to be a little nosy, so either they're nosy enough to have seen me in here whilst I had the blinds up, and know that it's my apartment, or they're just nosy enough to have seen me crawling in the window, and have now called the nice officers to report a burglary.

We'll see.


Farm.Dad said...

ROFLMAO kid , and to think i supported you getting a ccw and having a pistol stashed " somewhere " LOL .

Anonymous said...

Bad when you have to break into your own home, but it reminds me of adapt, improvise, overcome. Looks like you just outsmarted yourself to your plus side, but it won't be quite so easy next time because you've just taught yourself something about your own habits.


Anonymous said...

You will fergit agin didn't
have right motivation like
14 year old daughter in
podunk Al. Forgot keys one day
Comes home from school one
day and remebers forgot
keys OH &^%$%$!
Remebers front window
always unlocked Proceeds
to climb through. Retired
neighbor sees blue jeaned
ass he does not recognize
Hey at least he is not a perve
14 year old daughter is
almost through when she hears
stop!! I have a ball bat
in one hand and a gun in the
othe!!!WHich will it be???
She is smart enough to say MR
so and so i t medumb ass
child and i forgot my keys
He recognizes voice but insits
she come out after breaking in
to identify herself in the
She has never left keys at
home since as she is not sure
if neighbor will shoot first
and ask questiosn later
Also she doe not want the ass chewing he gave her again
He has my blessings and I woulddo the same for him

Anonymous said...

I kin type better than above if'n i wants to

Anonymous said...

But I dozn't wanna. :)

Good story!