Old Storytellers

I think I get some of my storytelling ability from my grandfather.

Grandpa has a lot to tell stories about though. He's lived a full, and remarkable life.

He grew up ranching with his family, and joined the Army when he was young. That got him sent to Korea, as part of the motor pool. He brought pictures of palaces supposedly off limits, memories that he doesn't like to think about, and lots of stories he's more than willing to share home.

Grandpa uses colorful phrases and old-time terminology that make his stories come more to life. I suppose I try to do some of the same thing in mine, with less of the old-time terms. Maybe when I'm telling them to my great-neices and -nephews, or my own grandchildren, I'll have that old time flavor, too.

I used to think it was kind of boring, because I didn't know what he meant all the time. As I got older and started to figure it out the stories became more interesting, until now I'll do a lot to get him started, sometimes.

I really do think I learned a lot about storytelling sitting across from that weathered, proud old man, and watching him tell of his life, his travels, and his service to his country. Probably most of what I know, as even my extensive reading hasn't made me change my mind about how a good story is told, when its coming from me at least.

And I used to think the coolest thing about Grandpa was the pool table in his basement....

So, if you haven't lately, go find someone you love, or just like, who has lived a long life, and ask them about it. The interesting parts might just surprise you.


And thanks, Grandpa. For everything.

"Enhancements"

Ok, anyone who feels the need can blame this one on Ambulance Driver.

What in the world is with all of the "enhancement products" out there?!?

I mean, I can see it for those among us who have a physical inability to be intimate with their spouse. Thats a legitimate thing, and I have no problem with that.

But whyinhell would a 24 year old guy take Viagra???

You're not incapable. There is nothing wrong with the way things function, especially if I listen to your little "not-girlfriend".

So why? I mean seriously, when I found out about it, from you no less, I really did hope you'd wind up with some of that permanent wood they're always warning about, and have to face down the doctors' laughter.

Apparently, this is a trend.

Of course, with every other email in *my* inbox being spam about "satisfie her bettr" and "add 1nches!" I shouldn't be surprised.

What is with the male obsession with their reproductive parts? I haven't yet run across a conversation in public where a group of women were sitting around discussing who had the better vagina. And yet, I have overheard guys in public places discussing not only who's was bigger but how they "rocked her world" last night.

Bubbah, if you're walking straight and talking coherently, you may have given her a lot of fun, but you certainly didn't "rock" her "world."

And the commercials... ugh. Whoever thought up 'ol Bob needs to get some new and better drugs because whatever he's on is giving him a bad trip.

Testosterone Poisoning EVERYWHERE!!!

Max

When I was younger, we rescued a Rotty pup, and named him Max, for Maximus.

This dog was bigger than my brother and I combined, but he never hurt us, no matter how wild we got when we were playing with him. My brother would wrestle with him, and Max would ALWAYS win, by the simple expedient of sitting on him.

Me, I rode him like a pony.

Of course, Max was also the reason that we put in a six foot fence.

At that point my parents were running a restaurant, and we had a house right across the parking lot from it. When Max was a puppy, we had a typical four foot chain link fence, and it wasn't a problem. When he got bigger, though, it started to be a problem.

See, Max liked people, and he was smart enough to realize that the cafe was part of our territory, and thus part of his. We never had a problem with him being aggressive with people, but he did frighten a lot of them.

Max, being a big puppy, decided to get out of the yard and go say hi to the customers that pulled in to the cafe lot. And soon, he started taking the slower ones by the hand and leading them to the front door, and then back out to their cars.

He always delivered the right person to the right car.

Of course, the older people got a little startled when a hundred plus pounds of dog came bounding up to them, grabbing their hand, even if gently, in a mouth full of teeth and slobber, and leading them up to the door of the cafe.

Max graduated to being Truck Dog for one of the regular truckers that came through, my brother and I lost our wrestling partner, and we were left with an empty yard...

But not for too long.

My first reader question, yay!

Kate said...

I've got one!!!! *waves hand*

Okay, it might seem like a stoopid question, but what makes the determination whether a pilot car is used or not? I was in a line-up this morning (bridge repair) and one of the sign folks had a pilot car next to her, but it wasn't being used - at least not then. Are they only used if it's miles of repair work?

Kate--

In Colorado, whether or not a pilot car is used is determined by the state engineers who draw up the plans and specifications for the job. In general, we only use a pilot car on 24 hour concrete jobs, although I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule. I don't have my Manual of Uniform Traffic Control Devices (MUTCD) handy to look up the federal regulations on it, I'm not sure its covered there anyway. (I haven't been brave or bored enough to sit down and read it cover to cover, as I'm not required to know everything in it... its a hand-me-down from one of my supervisors.)

You'd have to ask an engineer for the specifics on when and where a pilot car is used, but in general you're pretty close. I've never seen one used on an asphalt job, no matter how long a stretch they shut off at once.

Another method that I haven't seen used often (we've used it unofficially from time to time when the radios went down) is the token system. In this system you stop the last car you're going to let through, and give them a token of some kind, to give to the flagger at the other end, to let them know that this is the last car, and they're clear to send traffic the other way. For anyone working road construction and contemplating this method, I suggest using something that won't hurt if they throw it at you going by.

The owner of our company is currently thinking of using a "caboose" car, as well. We've been having some problems with getting gaps in the traffic lines, and the workers think that the gap is the end of the line, and get out in the live lane, which causes a danger. The caboose would solve this problem, but we're not sure yet if the state and the contractor are going to go for it. It would be a major step forward in the safety department, if we could get it implemented. As well as eliminating problems with getting out of range of the end before the pilot car is told the last two vehicles in line.

We'll see how that one turns out, though.

I hope I was able to answer your question, Kate, and I'll dig out my MUTCD and see if there is anything mentioned... you got me curious too!

I got nothing

Sorry folks, I seem to be suffering from a lack of inspiration tonight. I'm sure I'll come up with something entertaining for ya'll shortly, but my muse, and my mind, have decided to go wandering.

Anything ya'll want to ask me or hear about, feel free to ask questions or make requests, and I'll do my best.

Had to share this...

An excerpt from an IM conversation with a friend, just moments ago (hot off the... er.... pixels... people!) when he informed me that this blog showed up on Google... I had to see for myself, of course.

Smartass Friend: you're on google
Farmgirl: I am?
FG: *blink blink*
SF: you are!
SF: (laughing face)
SF: "Holly's Hystrionics" is the first one that came up
FG: oh wait yeah blogger is a google thing.
SF: sidesaddle rodeo is on there too
SF: well, yeah
FG: she linked to me and she's a more popular blogger than i am
SF: ahhh, wait, Holly is?
FG: yeah
SF: oh, okay
FG: what did you search google for?
FG: that you found me?
SF: yeah
SF: I put you into my drop-down google search bar in Firefox, to get the link over
FG: no, i mean what search?
SF: yeah, it was in google
FG: *rubs forehead* whos on first?
SF: What? wait, no, he's on second..

Really folks. I gotta stop putting so many multi-syllable words into the stories, or pretty soon I'm going to be going through the rest of my interactions with a dazed drooling expression on my face, because I'll have used all of my intelligent vocabulary here.

Oy

I mentioned in my post last night that my job is a never ending series of near-misses. Someone upstairs heard me and made sure that today fit the bill.

Two separate vehicles that we called in to the Highway Patrol, one truck break down in the middle of the site, in the middle of the traffic line, and a couple of bright ones that either didn't see, or couldn't comprehend the bright frickin orange sign on the back of the Silver Streak proclaiming "Pilot Car
Follow Me"

I mean COME ON people.

Number one... there IS a no passing sign in the long series of BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS signs that lead up to the flagger that stopped you. This does not mean that its "ok" to pass after the pilot car starts leading traffic through. And guess what... when you're stuck between a steep ditch and a twelve inch drop you don't have much choice but to slow down when the pilot car goes twenty passing the nearest flaggers, thus allowing them a good look at your license plate. Hope you enjoyed that ticket, Mr. Impatient.

Number two... When the flagger tells you flat out that he cannot allow you to enter the construction zone without the pilot car, since you are neither a local, construction personnel, or law enforcement/emergency response personnel, that does NOT mean to turn around and back track to the nearest county road, go around the flagger, and drive eighty until you catch up with the pilot line, six miles on. It DOES mean that your license plate number will be dutifully written down, along with your vehicle description, your description, and the exact nature of the offense in a written statement. Right after your plate number is called into the highway patrol, that is. And probably while you're being told by the nice policeman that since dispatch received a call and the reporting parties have agreed to provide written statements as to the nature of your offense, and your estimated eighty plus mile an hour speed in a forty five mile an hour zone, it DOES mean that you're going to get one honking big traffic citation. And possibly a spanking.

Oh, and acting nonchalant as you leave the site does you no good at all. Ever heard of radios?

I'm gonna make a small statement to anyone who drives through ANY construction zone. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT mess with Traffic Control.

We take our job seriously. That job is safety. If you mess with us, we WILL shove our steel toes where the sun don't shine, even if we have to do it with a phone call.

You've heard the phrase "just do what I tell you and no one gets hurt" ?

Thats our motto, especially the no one gets hurt part.

Not that I'm not all for the process of natural selection... just don't do it in my zone.

I don't want to do the paperwork.