Friday, March 29, 2013

Wild Animals Are... Wild

BRM posted a story about a man in Utah that got knocked against a fence by a bison, because he was dense enough to chuck rocks at it. Since he was taking pictures, presumably he did this to get the buffalo to look at him.

Now, this is a symptom that I see a lot, whenever I'm anywhere there are animals and the public, pretty much.

Darwinism has been thwarted to such a great degree that a large segment of our population has lost all ability to detect no-bullshit danger.

Folks in the gunblogging circle talk about this a lot in terms of keeping an eye out for criminals and knowing which way to jump when TSHTF. But honestly, I think it illustrates much more easily with stuff like this.

So this brain surgeon is in a state park, where they have bison, and bison are awesome and he wants a picture. Fantastic. But a picture of a grazing bison isn't good enough, nooo. He's got to have one of the critter looking at him.

So what does he do? He puts a fence at his back (leaving him handily stuck between a barricade and an animal that makes wolves think twice unless they have some extra advantage) and starts tossing rocks.

Ok, let me pause for a moment here and explain something, if you haven't been to one of the state or national parks that has resident buffalo. The American Bison has become the icon of the west. Everyone knows how there used to be millions of them, and now there's not. So when they get to see them, they ooo and ahhh a lot, and stand there like morons clicking pictures for half an hour. Meanwhile the bison go about their business completely ignoring the humans. You know why? Because they're used to them. Definitely NOT because they like them.

So, they're accustomed, and they ignore. That is, until you do something they aren't accustomed to, or something that annoys them. Like chuck rocks at them.

That guy in Utah? He's damned lucky that was a chain link fence at his back, and not a pipe or barbed wire fence. He's also damned lucky that that bison gave him the equivalent of "dude, knock it off" and wasn't seriously peeved. If the animal had been serious about it, I wouldn't have been surprised to hear that the man had been pushed through that chain link fence, to ooze out the other side like play-dough.

Please remember here... when in rut, bison males fight over females. That big hump? It's not fat. That's muscle. You know why they have that big hump of muscle right over their shoulders? Cause their heads are freaking heavy, and they like to hit each other with them. That muscle gives them the power to whack into each other repeatedly. It also helps hold up their skull since it's thick.... again for the whacking.

If that bison had been more than annoyed, dude would be dead. We're entirely too squishy and slow to change a buffalo's mind once it's made up. Luck, and the fact that we pretty much actively prevent these geniuses from either learning or becoming a shining example of What Not To Do has resulted in a human gene pool that I'm pretty sure could use some chlorine.

Another example, from the last time I was at the zoo. Observing the cougar habitat, I noted that the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo did something nifty for their cats, they built a section of the enclosure that went out over a tunnel the visitors could walk through. That tunnel has a glass ceiling, and in the enclosure is a sturdy branch to overhang.

I watched a group, with children, approach the enclosure. Some woman put one of the kids up on a post so that he could see the cats better. One of the cats was busily gnawing on a bone from a pile hoarded in a corner, but when the child was lifted up into sight, wandered over.

"Oh look, he likes you!"

At this point the kid, being smarter than the adult, is uneasy, because the cat is pacing in front of him. The kind of pacing you might expect to see if you hauled a quarter of a deer up and dropped it outside the fence. Kid freaks out, she puts him down, and off they go through the tunnel.

And the cat follows, pacing out on the overhanging branch and looking down at them through the glass. And they ooo and ahh, and say how neat it is, and again I hear "He likes you!"

Yeah. For dinner.

I have very little doubt that the designers of that enclosure had any illusions about what being above slow, squishy meat sacks means to a cougar. And it is a neat thing to watch them walk along that branch like they were on the ground, so everyone wins. But that window wasn't put there for the zoo patrons, oh no, that window was put there for the cats, for their entertainment and stimulation. Because when a cougar is looking down on a human, it sees dinner.

The woman was completely oblivious to this, to all of the body language of the cat or any sense of "oh if this fence weren't here, that thing would happily gnaw on my thighbone for days."

One more quick example from a trip I took to Yellowstone years back. Late August... breeding season for many wild animals with long gestation, especially herbivores, so that the little ones are starting to come off the teat about the time there's plenty of good green spring grass.

In Yellowstone all of the animals are pretty accustomed to humans. I swear I saw a moose there my first time through that deliberately posed for the flocks of people who had pulled off the road to take pictures and gawk (of course I was one of them, how often do you see a posing moose??)

Anyway, it's the same with the bison, and the antelope, and the elk. They're pretty chill with voices and cameras and people at a certain distance. Anyway, this trip, I was driving along one of the roads, going to waterfalls, and I see a bunch of cars pulled off and parked. This, in Yellowstone, is the international symbol of Wildlife In View Of The Road.

Glance over, and it's a herd of elk in a meadow. Just happened to be someone pulling out of the little pull-off area facing the meadow as I went by, so I decided to whip in and get a couple of pictures, because I hadn't seen any elk yet that trip and the bull was impressive.

Grabbed the camera, climbed out of the car and used it as a tripod since I'd need the zoom, and I hear off to one side the rustling of medium heavy paper.

When you go to Yellowstone they give you a map of the park, with all the easily accessible interesting bits marked. On the back of the map are drawings and names of the most common wildlife, everything from bison to marmots. (Or, that's the way it was when I was last there, they may have changed the design by now.)

"I don't know, I think they're some kind of deer." I hear from the direction of the paper rustling. Ok, so not everyone knows what an elk looks like, fine. When I glanced over, she looked like Mrs Suburban Housewife Supreme Model. One of those people who buys what they think they should wear to go to "the wilderness" to go to Yellowstone, and ends up looking like a moron in all the wrong brand-new gear. Her husband hand the camera.

He grunted at her a bit and futzed with it, trying to get a good clear shot I guess, it was a decent distance.

"Get closer, just walk out there!"

At this point, friends, I'm afraid I contributed to thwarting Darwinism. But I wasn't sure if the elk would get in trouble for killing a clueless tourist or if I'd have to do paperwork because I saw it.

I just wandered over and told him "No, don't walk out there."

They both looked at me like I was something they'd never had to scrape off their boots before, of course.

I quickly explained that those were elk, a bull and his harem, and that this was mating season, which meant that the bull would be very touchy and very likely to hurt badly anything that he thought was getting too close to his lady friends. Then I went back to my car, in time to see one of the rangers pull up.

So I waited for him to get out of his vehicle, and let him know he might want to keep an eye on things until the elk decided to wander off, since I had heard someone mention something about walking out into the meadow to get better pictures.

The ranger, not being a moron, went sort of pale and mumbled something about hating mating season.

I wandered off back to my car and the happy knowledge that I'd prevented myself from having to call someone a fucking moron in an official report.

Human beings, as a species, are weak, watered down predators. Take a kitten that has lived in a nice comfy room all its life and been fed lovely food every day, drop it in the woods with no other protection or weapons than it was born with, and it has a better chance of surviving for a week than most humans in the same situation. The kitten will, at least, have the sense to realize that shit out there wants to eat it.

Humans aren't at the top of the food chain because we're better than other animals, we're at the top of the food chain because we're smarter than other animals. Or, we were. Unfortunately I don't think that the trend has continued.

11 comments:

Joshua said...

I personally feel kind of excited by the idea of zoo designers including components that are (logically) sheerly for the enjoyment of the animals. I mean, hell, most of them spend their lives trying not to go insane as the drivel of Suburbia roll by, taking photos and yelling at their kids.

Toss these poor creatures a bone, man. Well, okay, maybe not ALWAYS a bone, but somethin'!

Tango said...

Busch Gardens in Tampa, FL sets up the tiger enclosures with a huge rope going through a hole in the fence so visitors can play tug-o-war with a giant cat.

Laura said...

interestingly, someone posted a video to reddit.com/r/maryland the other day. it was of a guy getting attacked by a river otter after walking up to it. and he hasn't come back after being called an idiot, so i don't know if reality has sunk in yet, or if he honestly thinks the otter's a little shit.

i hate humans.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Mix arrogance, assumed superiority, and ignorance; then put them in a rural environment, and disaster is waiting to happen. For many years, my parents were involved in herding dudes and their kids (summer camp. prep school, hunting). It was a job of work keeping the dumb shits safe. No, no, that Guernsey bull doesn't want to be petted.

Jess said...

At least you didn't suggest their walking into the meadow was a great idea, although it probably would have corrected some problems with the human genetic pool.

Old NFO said...

The stupidity SHOULD hurt... Just sayin... Excellent post and excellent points, all of which will be lost on the average urban dweller!

Brigid said...

On the drive home from work I saw some woman and a couple of yappy dogs and a 3 year old chasing a couple of geese, a mating pair. The Mom was encouraging the little one to run after them,shouting, all while following with the yappy dogs, only to have the male goose turn on them No damage was one other than a scared, crying kid. I hope she learned a lesson.

Jennifer said...

As much as I'd like the stupidity to hurt, I would have warned them to stay back too. There are some things I'd rather not watch and certainly don't want to document officially.
There are only so many professional sounding words for 'moron got what was coming.'

Kristophr said...

It looked to me like that bison was being rather mellow about the whole thing.

He butted that retard a few times into the fence, and when it was clear who had the upper hoof here, he just ambled off.

Crucis said...

There is a big cat habitat not far from me, just over the Kansas state line. They have various big cats---tigers, lions, leopards, black and polka-dot, mountain lions, plus more than I can't name at the moment. They also have a small pack of wolves.

All these critters are from zoos and circuses. They're not young. This place is more like a retirement center.

The big draw is feeding time. Until the keepers haul out washtubs of chopped chicken and beef, all the cats watch the watchers and I swear, are licking their lips in anticipation thninking...how can I get over this fence?

Tass said...

I used to work in a small wildlife habitat located in a municipal park outside a major Texas city. I heard the "Oh look, he likes you..." several times a day. My favorite was while I was cleaning the Birds of Prey exhibit and couple of 'ladies who lunch' were there with a yorkie on a flexi-lead (hate-hate-hate them btw). Yorkie was snuffling around the plantings surrounding the bird enclosure, ladies were chatting about noting remotely interesting. The Red-Tailed Hawk noticed yorkie and feathers perked up, he sat a little taller, he actually looked at me like "you brought me LIVE food???" I asked Ladies to please pull their dog back at which point they notice the bird bouncing down his tree branch toward them. "Oh look, he wants to say Hi!".

It happened pretty quick, but hawk then took a running leap and attached his talons to the wire fence in his attempt to snag an appetizer (it wasn't yet feeding time). Ladies were horrified when I told them that Bitsy looked like a rat to him. I think they cut their day in the park short at that point. Hawk just sat there and gave me a WTH look. Damn I miss that bird!