Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A New One On Me

The other day at work, while I was working the twenty items or less aisle, at the far end of the store, I was bored out of my mind. Mostly because I was the absolute last register in the line as far from the "busy" end of the store as you can get. So, I was doing what I was told to do, standing in front of my register aisle and looking for customers to help, whether they had twenty items or a hundred and twenty.

This guy comes by, I give him the smile and "I can take care of you right here if you're ready," and he starts unloading his cart.

This is when I begin to suspect that this guy might not be right in the head. Lots of four packs of toilet paper, tons of vitamins, potted meats, and fruit. As I start scanning and bagging this dude starts telling me how he's stocking up for TEOTWAWKI. I'm thinking standard Last Man On Earth economy collapsing survivalist nutbag, but no, he threw a curveball at me.

See, there's this rogue planet, which will come between the Earth and the sun for three days sometime in September, causing a three day eclipse, flipping the planet, electromagnetic fields wiping out the electrical grid and all of modern technology.

Apparently, this is what wiped out the ancient Sumerians, and they documented everything leading up to it, which matches all the stuff going on now with the weird weather and volcanoes and earthquakes.

I got the whoooole story, and it stretched my ability to remain polite. I was able to act mildly interested because I hadn't heard this particular delusion before, but the guy in line behind this dude developed a decided cough at certain points.

This is my world now.... someone help me.

17 comments:

Christina LMT said...

I feel for you. That's marginally less aggravating than being stuck in a dark room with someone for an hour or more, while they're pontificating on their favorite whack-a-doodle, crackpot theories. I always hope they fall asleep, but sometimes I don't get that lucky.

Weer'd Beard said...

I have actually heard that one, but never really a description on why its so bad.

And hey, a wikipedia page drummed up a similar story from what I heard:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nemesis_%28hypothetical_star%29

BTW why the 4-packs? TEOTW I'm going for the 12 packs!

Kristopher said...

Suggest he buy more beer and ammo with the toilet paper.

Snarky said...

This is what I listened to every single day I was with the Redhead. Welcome to what used to be my world. :D

Pappy said...

I thought this scenario wasn't supposed to happen until next year.
Here I am again, a day late and a dollar short!

texlahoma said...

Not even a little part of you said "Maybe I should buy a few things, just in case this nut-job is onto something."?

Old NFO said...

To hell with the TP... more beer :-) FG, remember it IS a job and puts food on the table, and on the positive side, gives you ALL sorts of blog material! :-)

hogdogs said...

I would have loved to be right behind a feller like that!

I am just a redneck feller and truly know I what tact and diplomacy are but often add a little sarcasm, cynicism and condescension to it...

But I would not have developed just a cough and you would have been mad at me for not only encouraging him but with well planned questions I would have had him pinned to the floor sharing all of his great information with the both of us... Then when I get my change I can toss you a chit eatin' grin and ski-daddle leaving him talkin' to you!!!
Brent aka:hogdogs

Randy said...

Well, if you have to put up with crazy people, at least you have entertaining crazy people.

Stuart the Viking said...

iT MUST bE TrUe bEcAuSe TeH GoVeRnMeNtS AiNt sAyIn nOtHiN AbOuT It!

s

mustanger said...

Ever since Y2K, these crackpot theories have ceased to be entertaining. Know what I bought leading up to Y2K? 50rds of 16guage #4 shot. Took me 8 years to find a reason to test it... as a turkey load. I'm still trying to figure out what good the 1-bottle of water and ball of twine kit is.

word verification: unbent (hmmm)

TOTWTYTR said...

Look on the bright side, it gives you something to blog about.

Kristopher said...

Hogdogs: Why the violence?

As long as teh crazy just babbles, he harms no one.

hogdogs said...

No Violence... Pinned to the floor as give him pointed questions to incite a long drawn out reply thus I get to sneak off and leve him to explain to FG who is trapped at he little aisle/isle...

Brent aka:hogdogs

Anonymous said...

"This is my world now.... someone help me."

There, there, dear, it will all be over soon. Just hang on until September. (Sorry, I couldn't resist and I don't know how to turn on snarky html tag thingies). And I'm anon cuz google won't let me sign in for comments even when I'm already signed-in.

Mike W. said...

Good lord! Makes me happy to work in an office where I'm not dealing directly with "the public" and hence the batshit crazy folks.

He might be better off just sitting in his house and getting shitfaced.

Did he buy plenty of aluminum foil for his tinfoil hat?

mustanger said...

Just a thought... who's better off? Those who pay TEOTWAWKI no mind, those with the tinfoil hats? I don't think either is prepared for much of anything. I think the truly prepared are those who can roll with it... may not have prepared for any particular occurance, but know how to make do with less in any case.