Sunday, February 22, 2009


My head was full of snark.

I found myself, whilst on the roof struggling with a falling-apart paint brush to smear roofin tahr (not roofing tar, roofin tahr... like the dog says.... it's a hick thing,) contemplating what that stuff must be made of. Not the ingredients on the can, that's obviously a lie, since no man-made substance, not supplemented by witchcraft, can possibly be that damned sticky. And goopy. And gloppy. All at the same time.

Here's what I've come up with so far:

Two parts drool from the Hounds of Hell, collected whilst they sleep and dream of daisies and rainbows.

One part tears of an obsessed man (these are most likely obtained outside of Angelina Jolie's house...)

A waft of lies, (best effects if collected from a man drunk on "two beers")

And most importantly, if least available, two drops of honest working sweat from Sumdood's brow.

The fact that these ingredients would make only a small amount doesn't deterr me from believing I'm on the right track... the stuff multiplies anyway. Then drips crawl off from the "mother" smear and wait in ambush for an unsuspecting roofer to step on them, and spread them everywhere.

Also, happened to be in El Marto Del Wal today searching for additional roofing supplies, ran across some... er... well political correctness specifies that I say hispanic but let's face it, this dude was a vato.

Anywho, we're walking along behind this shaved head vato and I happen to see something on the back of his head. I figured he had one of those weird-ass haircuts I've been seeing everywhere, with the head shaved all the way to the back, but leaving enough hair to shave a pattern into on the very back of the head.

Those things are bad enough, but worse, I was wrong.

This guy had a tattoo on the back of his head. A word. His.... name???

I dunno, maybe it was a nickname, but it said "Bato."

I looked at Farmmom with some confusion and asked "Does that guy have his name tattooed on the back of his head??"

"Well, he's got something tattooed on the back of his head, I don't know if it's his name, but we could ask..."

Always helpful, my mother.

Anyway, I pondered this for a minute, as it struck me as so absurd that there had to be a reason.

Finally, putting together his appearance (clothing, not race,) demeanor, and the quality of the tatt (looked like either a very well done prison job, or a very poorly done professional job,) I figured it out.

It's so that his cellmate doesn't forget Bato's name when he's tappin' dat... er... I mean... when they're getting acquainted.

It's the only thing that makes sense to me, anyway....


Old NFO said...

Sounds like we've had about the same kind of day... at least I didn't see any vatos... :-)

GreenRanchingMom said...

LOL!!! I agree, at least I didn't see any tatooed Vatos. Wonder what "Bato" means? Can't think of any "real" spansish words that it could be...

Farmgirl said...

The only guess I had was that he went all homeboy when telling the artist what he wanted and exaggerated the Spanish accent... their b's are v's and vice versa....

Farmmom said...

You forgot to tell about the happy Emo kids. I don't know what they were on but the spray painted green hair gives me a slight clue.

Farm.Dad said...

My guess is whomever applied the tat is neither a " vato " nor any more educated than the lad in question. However you might have a point on your " bunkie " theory