So, I just got the bible thumper visit, I'm not even sure which flavor they were, but I did my best to convince them not to come back.
Don't get me wrong, whatever faith you have, is fantastic, whether you're Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, or some flavor of "pagan" if you have a belief system, I think that's a good thing.
Just don't come knocking on my door trying to convince me that your flavor should be mine too. I have my faith, and I don't try to convince anyone else that it's the "right" one and I don't appreciate it when someone intrudes upon my home simply to rattle on about how their particular set of beliefs is the only right way.
So, step one in the scare-the-bible-thumpers-away plan (I'd heard them across the hall so I knew they were coming already) was to answer the door in my sports bra, jeans around my hips bare feet and lots of skin and my belly button piercing showing. Cracked the door, leaned one arm against the jam and said "yeah?"
Blah blah blah, here to share a Bible thought, yadda yadda, we have this book that tells you what the Bible really says (because the whole world is too stupid to find meaning in a holy text unless it's spelled out to them, and of course their interpretation is better than anyone else's because... well, just ask them!) and we'd like to leave it here for you to read....
"Yeah, sure, I'm almost out of toilet paper anyway..." (this after I've accepted the little book and am fingering the pages thoughtfully, still blocking the doorway so they can't come in.)
"Well, um... I'd like to come back and discuss this with you after you read it... er..... are you usually home on Fridays?" She was stubborn, continuing with her spiel in spite of my attempts to put her off of it.
So, I started shifting my weight and wincing, holding a hand to my latest owwie (which, in case you hadn't guessed, is in what you could call the "nono" spot) which was actually aching and making me uncomfortable.
Mildly shocked looks on their faces so I explained... sort of....
"Oh, sorry, I'm a little sore, a couple of days ago I was... playing..." insert a wicked smile here "with this big boy, thinks he's such a stud... anyway, he gave me quite a pounding and I'm still healing up..... But no, I'm not usually home on Fridays, I'm a college student, you know, things to see, people to do..."
"Erm... well... I guess I'll try when I'm out and hope I catch you?" Her voice had risen in pitch until she was squeaking a little bit, then she kind of trailed off and started to back away from the door, while the man, who had been silent the whole time, stepped in and shook my hand... while staring at my chest and telling me how nice it was to meet me.
"Yeah, fabulous... you know, she's got 'em too, why don't you go stare at hers?"
They retreated.... next time I just won't answer my door.