It's Amazing...

How having bigwigs doing a five minute visit to look around and say "oh we carry that? Neat!" will cause people to do their jobs in regards to cleaning.

If you'll excuse me I'm off to draw a pony on a pizza box or alphabetize the lottery tickets or some other useless time wasting thing cause I'm out of stuff to do for the next hour or so.

Tomorrow it's back to the night shift can do everything I'm sure.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Best Panhandling Sign Ever

This weekend I was in a city large enough to actually have panhandlers, and as usual I was seeing them at relatively random intervals. DM needed to make a stop at Home Depot so we swung in there, and at the entrance I saw the usual dirty looking person with a cardboard sign.

I don't give money to panhandlers because I always get that knee jerk "I work for my money" reaction. Because I'm a bad person I like to read the signs and rate them for originality.

This one broke the rating system:

"Bet you can't hit me with a quarter: Double or nothing"

I turned to DM and said "It's almost worth a quarter just to have the satisfaction of beaning him in the head with it."

DM chuckled and said "It'd be worth a dollar to me if we had a golf ball to wrap it around."

Yes, we're horrible people, but at least we didn't actively go looking for a golf ball.....

Dear Cow-orker

I get that the weather sucks. I get that you commute forty five minutes each direction.

Here's the thing though. You chose to transfer here without moving. You chose to get a sitter here rather than in your home town.

So when the weather sucks and you have to drive home in it with your son?

I don't feel any sympathy for you, so you can stop complaining.

Also when you leave early and get bored don't text me to see how things are going. I'm a little cranky that you left a contrail as soon as I walked in the door to start with so hearing from you as you sit on your ass at home it's exactly the highlight of my night.


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Oh So Punk

In the last few weeks it seems like every time I turn around I'm hearing a phrase that really ought to be a name for a punk band.

The best so far is a band name/album combo that DM and I discussed, so I'd like to solicit volunteers to put together the band and do the album.

Because really who doesn't want to hear "It's Grape Socks doing the title song for their album Drive By Bukkake!"

Ahhh Updates

So, over the last week or so I've done some traveling, a bit of heavy lifting, a touch of organizing, and acquired a second-hand cold.

I flew last Tuesday, and I gotta tell you, although I didn't go through the porno scanner (entirely because the other line seemed to be moving faster until they realized that everyone was diving for the metal detector line rather than the backscatter line, and STOPPED the metal detector line, while the back scatter line moved steadily along.... TSA manipulating circumstances? Naw.) I had the thought that it looked like you ought to step in and say "beam me up scotty."

DIA hasn't instituted "Either get scanned or groped" so they've got two porno scanners and two metal detector lines. They've turned up the sensitivity on the metal detectors since I've been there, an Altoids tin in my pocket set it off.

I had some crochet work in my bag that I was half expecting them to twitch over, working on a scarf for DM, and I had a wonderful line if they decided to confiscate my crochet hook.

"What, you think I'm trying to knit an Afghani?"

Alas, they didn't oblige me by having that much of a stick up their butts, so I didn't get to use it.

Anyway, I'm back home now, and back to work tonight, alas. I may have to carve my sinuses out with a spoon before I head in, though.

I'm Not Dead

I was just away from the 'net for a bit.

Just thought ya'll might be wondering.

Hrm.

I'm really wondering whether the FDA's big sting operation thingy, on selling cigarettes to minors (I had to read a paper on it at work, basically saying "OMG CARD EVERYBODY!!") has made it down to our area.

Twice tonight I had young-ish looking people come in and want to buy tobacco products without ID.

Both times they attempted to have someone else buy for them, in such a blatant manner that it almost had to be a set up.

Seriously, asking me if those two girls by the soda fountain are "grown ups"? Or sending back in the kid I'd just sold chew to (who I've carded forty seven dozen times and finally got it knocked into my head that he's 19) back in?

No. First off, I can't sell you tobacco if you look under thirty and don't have ID. Secondly, no, I'm not just being a bitch to you. Technically I'm breaking the rules by selling to the kid in front of you, but the company lets it slide in small stores where we know everyone, if we have carded them multiple times anyway. Technically, I'm breaking the law by doing that. But by the time I can key in their birth date from memory, everyone tends to let it slide.

If you come into the store multiple times expecting me to sell you tobacco without an ID, without ever having given me an ID, I'm not going to sell you tobacco, period. Also, if you're going to make a fake, remember a couple of handy hints. First, most states' licenses aren't laminated printer paper, and they usually spell license correctly. Also, "honey" is not a hair color they tend to put on identification.

I'm not kidding on any of this, by the way. I've seen all of those, at one time or another.

Anyway, the dumbassery tonight makes me wonder if I passed the FDA's hamhanded attempt at checking up on idiot clerks.