This post is a bit late, I know, but I found it difficult to get in the proper mood until after I'd watched an incendiary expression of the joy and pride of freedom.
In other words... It really didn't feel like Independence Day until the fireworks started going off.
It helped that Mother Nature is giving her own salute to Lady Liberty in my little corner of the world tonight, with a beautiful rainstorm and cloud-to-cloud lightning.
So if you are, for some reason, at home, and on the computer, when you rightfully should be out launching small, colorfully explosive devices into the air, well, you'll see this tonight. If not, you'll see it tomorrow, and hopefully realize that my heart was in the right place.
As many others have said, this day is about so much more than bottle rockets and black cats. However, I can't say it any better than the first people did, so I'll just remind you of some of their immortal words:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government.
This is just an excerpt of the full document which, I firmly believe should be well known to every American.
Everyone knows "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" but few have even a nodding acquaintance with the list of transgressions leveled against the King by our forefathers.
Take a moment and remember that everything we have today is because of people who stood up to a ruling monarch and refused to allow him to take their rights, their money, or their freedom. I am proud to be the legacy of such men and women, and hope that every one of my readers feel the same.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Losing Touch
I am horrible about making phone calls. I forget to call people on a regular basis, although I'm good about returning calls most of the time.
So I can tend to lose touch with folks. Such loss of communication can result in some major surprises when we finally do talk.
"I got married."
"I had a kid."
"Jebus told me to join the Hare Krishna's."
Anyway, I've decided that what I really need is a schedule. I need to sit down and figure out who I'm going to call on what evening, and put reminders into my phone, so that it yells at me and tells me to call them.
What?
It could work.
Stop laughing, Farmmom.
So I can tend to lose touch with folks. Such loss of communication can result in some major surprises when we finally do talk.
"I got married."
"I had a kid."
"Jebus told me to join the Hare Krishna's."
Anyway, I've decided that what I really need is a schedule. I need to sit down and figure out who I'm going to call on what evening, and put reminders into my phone, so that it yells at me and tells me to call them.
What?
It could work.
Stop laughing, Farmmom.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Things Farmgirl Is Not Allowed To Do In Road Construction
I’m a big fan of Skippy’s List, because, well, it’s hilarious.
So, while perusing the site and seeing everyone else’s lists, I began to think of all the things I had encountered that I wasn’t actually allowed to do while working road construction… and I though, hey, there’s a blog post in that. Some actually happened, some were cases of "Hey wouldn't it be funny if..." to which I was told "No you can't do that."
So without further adeu I give you, the Things Farmgirl is Not Allowed To Do In Road Construction:
1. Not allowed to refer to the flagger certification test as “The Retardo Check”
2. Even if it is ridiculously easy, and you get to take it as many times as necessary to pass.
3. Not allowed to tell traffic it’s your first day on the job and you totally can’t understand the radio, but you think they just said something about a chemical spill.
4. I am allowed to bring my puppy to work if no one is available to watch her at home.
5. But I’m not allowed to toss her in the windows of cars I’ve stopped yelling “sic em!”
6. Even if they hurt my feelings.
7. Not allowed to sic the contractor’s truck drivers on traffic.
8. Or their company’s equipment operators, if you’re going to get someone beat up do it yourself.
9. Don’t beat people up.
10. Don’t cuss at traffic, or at least not where they can hear you and file a complaint.
11. Don’t tell new flaggers that the proper radio code for notifying the rest of the flaggers that a vehicle has run your flagging position is yelling “PINK FLAMINGOS” on the radio.
12. Must not confuse other flaggers by putting on a “radio” voice and broadcasting WTMI radio on the company frequency.
13. Especially not when talking about one of the on duty flaggers and her love of midgets.
14. Must not pole dance with my sign in front of the prissy state engineer.
15. Must not let word get out that you asked the water truck driver to soak said engineer’s truck when the windows were left down.
16. Even if said engineer nearly caused you heat stroke by banning the water truck driver from spraying you down on a hundred and ten degree day.
17. Must not put bullet hole decals on other people’s vehicles.
18. Must not offer free sex changes to supervisors from other companies.
19. Pocket knives are not persuasive tools.
20. No trick or treating traffic lines unless it’s actually Halloween.
21. When forced to work on Halloween, it is acceptable to entertain yourself by striking up a competition to see who can get the weirdest things from trick or treating a traffic line. However, it is not acceptable to announce over the radio that you win because you got a condom with a phone number on it.
22. Even if it was from a woman.
23. Can’t announce receiving illegal drugs from traffic over the radio either.
24. Because the company frequency bleeds over into the State Patrol frequency, that’s why.
25. Not allowed to throw rocks at traffic.
26. Not allowed to throw beverages at traffic.
27. Not allowed to Hijack the Beer Truck.
28. There is no “toll” for going through the jobsite.
29. Not allowed to Hijack the Hostess man.
30. Not allowed to announce “Ali Babba and his Forty Thieves” as the last vehicle in a traffic line, even if it is a semi being driven by a guy in a turban.
31. Not allowed to tell traffic annoyed by the delay that the jobsite is merely a cover for a secret government test for spatial relocation technology.
32. Not allowed to tell traffic that the contractor’s dirt trucks get to go because they pay you twenty bucks per time you let them go without waiting.
33. Not allowed to accept twenty dollars to let a car go when you were about to release traffic anyway.
34. Not allowed to accept twenty dollars to let a car go and then make them wait anyway.
35. Not allowed to hold the State Patrol officer for twenty minutes while traffic runs freely from the other end so that you can tell him how many times you nearly got killed this week.
36. Even if it is in an effort to get a greater State Patrol presence on site for everyone’s safety.
37. Not allowed to pretend to be mentally challenged at work.
38. Don’t tease the state engineers about mud wrestling.
39. Don’t tease the state engineers about missed decimal points.
40. Not allowed to drag race in the pilot car.
41. Not allowed to slalom through the center delineation barrels in the pilot car.
42. It’s not nice to crank the AC all the way up in the pilot car, put on a sweater, and sing “baby it’s cold inside” over the radio to the other flaggers when it’s over a hundred degrees outside.
43. Not allowed to say you can do the supervisor’s job better.
44. Even if he DID ask, and yes, even if it’s true.
45. Not allowed to tell traffic that we have automated spike strips that pop up if they go through the site faster than the posted speed limit of forty five miles an hour.
46. Can’t listen to unintelligible babble with lots of static on the radio while standing ten feet from traffic with windows down, then look frightened and scream “Oh god he’s got a gun!”
47. I will not die if I don’t get to stop the ice cream man.
48. Can’t pretend the large friendly local dog that comes to spend the day with me every day is a seeing eye dog.
49. Can’t pretend he’s an attack dog either.
50. Inflatable sheep and naked playing cards with morbidly obese women on them do not belong on the job site.
So, while perusing the site and seeing everyone else’s lists, I began to think of all the things I had encountered that I wasn’t actually allowed to do while working road construction… and I though, hey, there’s a blog post in that. Some actually happened, some were cases of "Hey wouldn't it be funny if..." to which I was told "No you can't do that."
So without further adeu I give you, the Things Farmgirl is Not Allowed To Do In Road Construction:
1. Not allowed to refer to the flagger certification test as “The Retardo Check”
2. Even if it is ridiculously easy, and you get to take it as many times as necessary to pass.
3. Not allowed to tell traffic it’s your first day on the job and you totally can’t understand the radio, but you think they just said something about a chemical spill.
4. I am allowed to bring my puppy to work if no one is available to watch her at home.
5. But I’m not allowed to toss her in the windows of cars I’ve stopped yelling “sic em!”
6. Even if they hurt my feelings.
7. Not allowed to sic the contractor’s truck drivers on traffic.
8. Or their company’s equipment operators, if you’re going to get someone beat up do it yourself.
9. Don’t beat people up.
10. Don’t cuss at traffic, or at least not where they can hear you and file a complaint.
11. Don’t tell new flaggers that the proper radio code for notifying the rest of the flaggers that a vehicle has run your flagging position is yelling “PINK FLAMINGOS” on the radio.
12. Must not confuse other flaggers by putting on a “radio” voice and broadcasting WTMI radio on the company frequency.
13. Especially not when talking about one of the on duty flaggers and her love of midgets.
14. Must not pole dance with my sign in front of the prissy state engineer.
15. Must not let word get out that you asked the water truck driver to soak said engineer’s truck when the windows were left down.
16. Even if said engineer nearly caused you heat stroke by banning the water truck driver from spraying you down on a hundred and ten degree day.
17. Must not put bullet hole decals on other people’s vehicles.
18. Must not offer free sex changes to supervisors from other companies.
19. Pocket knives are not persuasive tools.
20. No trick or treating traffic lines unless it’s actually Halloween.
21. When forced to work on Halloween, it is acceptable to entertain yourself by striking up a competition to see who can get the weirdest things from trick or treating a traffic line. However, it is not acceptable to announce over the radio that you win because you got a condom with a phone number on it.
22. Even if it was from a woman.
23. Can’t announce receiving illegal drugs from traffic over the radio either.
24. Because the company frequency bleeds over into the State Patrol frequency, that’s why.
25. Not allowed to throw rocks at traffic.
26. Not allowed to throw beverages at traffic.
27. Not allowed to Hijack the Beer Truck.
28. There is no “toll” for going through the jobsite.
29. Not allowed to Hijack the Hostess man.
30. Not allowed to announce “Ali Babba and his Forty Thieves” as the last vehicle in a traffic line, even if it is a semi being driven by a guy in a turban.
31. Not allowed to tell traffic annoyed by the delay that the jobsite is merely a cover for a secret government test for spatial relocation technology.
32. Not allowed to tell traffic that the contractor’s dirt trucks get to go because they pay you twenty bucks per time you let them go without waiting.
33. Not allowed to accept twenty dollars to let a car go when you were about to release traffic anyway.
34. Not allowed to accept twenty dollars to let a car go and then make them wait anyway.
35. Not allowed to hold the State Patrol officer for twenty minutes while traffic runs freely from the other end so that you can tell him how many times you nearly got killed this week.
36. Even if it is in an effort to get a greater State Patrol presence on site for everyone’s safety.
37. Not allowed to pretend to be mentally challenged at work.
38. Don’t tease the state engineers about mud wrestling.
39. Don’t tease the state engineers about missed decimal points.
40. Not allowed to drag race in the pilot car.
41. Not allowed to slalom through the center delineation barrels in the pilot car.
42. It’s not nice to crank the AC all the way up in the pilot car, put on a sweater, and sing “baby it’s cold inside” over the radio to the other flaggers when it’s over a hundred degrees outside.
43. Not allowed to say you can do the supervisor’s job better.
44. Even if he DID ask, and yes, even if it’s true.
45. Not allowed to tell traffic that we have automated spike strips that pop up if they go through the site faster than the posted speed limit of forty five miles an hour.
46. Can’t listen to unintelligible babble with lots of static on the radio while standing ten feet from traffic with windows down, then look frightened and scream “Oh god he’s got a gun!”
47. I will not die if I don’t get to stop the ice cream man.
48. Can’t pretend the large friendly local dog that comes to spend the day with me every day is a seeing eye dog.
49. Can’t pretend he’s an attack dog either.
50. Inflatable sheep and naked playing cards with morbidly obese women on them do not belong on the job site.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Update
According to the Grape Vine, (and depending on who you ask) yesterday's excitement was the result of:
1. The Colorado Bureau of Investigation deciding that the drug problem in Boonie County is "out of hand" and taking matters into their own hands, resulting in their sending a narc down who then was suspected of being a narc and pulled a gun on someone to validate his criminalness.
Or:
2. This guy pulling a gun on someone for the second time in his short stay in our lovely county and this time the local authorities deciding there was "something to that first report after all maybe" and attempting to arrest the guy.
Or:
3. This guy telling one of the off duty officers how much easier it must be to live here instead of Colorado Springs, and proceeding to enumerate the illegal actions he's undertaken since he arrived, and hasn't been caught for, whereupon the off duty officer then called his buddy on duty and suggested that he make a routine traffic stop and check out this guy's truck.
Or:
4. A practice run for a reenactment for the show Cops.
The reasonably trustworthy facts seem to be thus:
The guy isn't local, in spite of your reporter's suspicions yesterday. The vehicle that I vaguely recognized from around town was in fact reportedly purchased from a local recently, had a temporary tag in the back window, but the guy had no proof of purchase. (How exactly does that work?!?)
He was, in fact, dragged out from underneath one of the vehicles in the junk strewn lot, with no reported tenderness for his fragile feelings (or skin) by the officers in question, and bundled into one of the vehicles that was not visible from your reporter's vantage point.
So, Kudos to the local departments for getting their man after all.
Doesn't make the Keystone Kops version of events any less funny, however.
1. The Colorado Bureau of Investigation deciding that the drug problem in Boonie County is "out of hand" and taking matters into their own hands, resulting in their sending a narc down who then was suspected of being a narc and pulled a gun on someone to validate his criminalness.
Or:
2. This guy pulling a gun on someone for the second time in his short stay in our lovely county and this time the local authorities deciding there was "something to that first report after all maybe" and attempting to arrest the guy.
Or:
3. This guy telling one of the off duty officers how much easier it must be to live here instead of Colorado Springs, and proceeding to enumerate the illegal actions he's undertaken since he arrived, and hasn't been caught for, whereupon the off duty officer then called his buddy on duty and suggested that he make a routine traffic stop and check out this guy's truck.
Or:
4. A practice run for a reenactment for the show Cops.
The reasonably trustworthy facts seem to be thus:
The guy isn't local, in spite of your reporter's suspicions yesterday. The vehicle that I vaguely recognized from around town was in fact reportedly purchased from a local recently, had a temporary tag in the back window, but the guy had no proof of purchase. (How exactly does that work?!?)
He was, in fact, dragged out from underneath one of the vehicles in the junk strewn lot, with no reported tenderness for his fragile feelings (or skin) by the officers in question, and bundled into one of the vehicles that was not visible from your reporter's vantage point.
So, Kudos to the local departments for getting their man after all.
Doesn't make the Keystone Kops version of events any less funny, however.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Small Town Foot Chase Ends In Hilarity
Breaking News!
In Small Town, Colorado, earlier this evening, there was a a vehicular pursuit followed by a foot chase.
Witnesses report seeing an early model faded red pickup with no tailgate enter precipitously into the alley behind the former Cheapskate Shoe Store. Shortly thereafter a Small Town Police vehicle rounded the corner and proceeded, as well, into the alley.
Neighbors say that approximately one minute after the Small Town Police vehicle entered the alley, a man, described as being approximately six feet tall, around two hundred pounds, with long dark hair wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans appeared on the street, running north towards the court house.
What we assume to be the object of the pursuit ran down the street one or two houses, and ducked back towards the alley. Shortly thereafter, a Small Town Police officer popped out into the street in the middle of the block. Upon ascertaining that the object of his search was not, in fact, standing in the middle of the street waiting for him, the officer looked to a nearby citizen for some enlightenment.
The senior citizen (and good Samaritan) pointed the officer in the proper direction, and continued with his evening stroll.
The officer, who is at this time unidentified, jogged down the street until he saw a likely opening between houses to his right, at which point he jigged left, jumped right, jigged left again, and dashed out of witnesses' sight.
Mere minutes later, backup arrived in the form of two Boonie County Sheriff's officers, who proceeded to search the abandoned lot full of junk for a full ten minutes before concluding that their suspect had indeed, gotten away.
Reports say that the officers then went back to their respective departments to complain about running in this damn heat.
At the current time, to the best of this reporter's knowledge, the pursued's vehicle is still sitting where he left it, with no apparent surveillance.
Small Town grapevine is calling this the event of the year, so far, and has dubbed the occurrence "Keystone Kops, Small Town Edition."
Keep it tuned right here for updates!
In Small Town, Colorado, earlier this evening, there was a a vehicular pursuit followed by a foot chase.
Witnesses report seeing an early model faded red pickup with no tailgate enter precipitously into the alley behind the former Cheapskate Shoe Store. Shortly thereafter a Small Town Police vehicle rounded the corner and proceeded, as well, into the alley.
Neighbors say that approximately one minute after the Small Town Police vehicle entered the alley, a man, described as being approximately six feet tall, around two hundred pounds, with long dark hair wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans appeared on the street, running north towards the court house.
What we assume to be the object of the pursuit ran down the street one or two houses, and ducked back towards the alley. Shortly thereafter, a Small Town Police officer popped out into the street in the middle of the block. Upon ascertaining that the object of his search was not, in fact, standing in the middle of the street waiting for him, the officer looked to a nearby citizen for some enlightenment.
The senior citizen (and good Samaritan) pointed the officer in the proper direction, and continued with his evening stroll.
The officer, who is at this time unidentified, jogged down the street until he saw a likely opening between houses to his right, at which point he jigged left, jumped right, jigged left again, and dashed out of witnesses' sight.
Mere minutes later, backup arrived in the form of two Boonie County Sheriff's officers, who proceeded to search the abandoned lot full of junk for a full ten minutes before concluding that their suspect had indeed, gotten away.
Reports say that the officers then went back to their respective departments to complain about running in this damn heat.
At the current time, to the best of this reporter's knowledge, the pursued's vehicle is still sitting where he left it, with no apparent surveillance.
Small Town grapevine is calling this the event of the year, so far, and has dubbed the occurrence "Keystone Kops, Small Town Edition."
Keep it tuned right here for updates!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Blogroll Update
I have been inexcusably lax in updating my blogroll.
Sat down and fed in the ones off the top of my head, in no particular order:
The Atomic Nerds because LabRat and Stingray just rawk, and because they're so much smarter than me!
The Gunblogger Conspiracy because hilarious tidbits are always being tossed up on the blog, and because more people need to learn the joys of snarking at a movie.
Snarky Bytes because Alan is a whiner, and is always complaining that no one reads his blog.*
The Breda Fallacy because Breda is the coolest librarian I know, and does wondrous things with pork products. I love her recipes!
The Unforgiving Minute because TD may not post much, but he's entertaining when he does, and for all you guys he's got lots of pictures of gorgeous women in his archives.
Anyone else that I may have missed on this round, there will be another one soon.
*Alan doesn't really whine all that much, just when someone like Breda comes in with a thousand hits a day, and frankly I feel a little inadequate then too. Really, go check him out if you don't already read him.
Sat down and fed in the ones off the top of my head, in no particular order:
The Atomic Nerds because LabRat and Stingray just rawk, and because they're so much smarter than me!
The Gunblogger Conspiracy because hilarious tidbits are always being tossed up on the blog, and because more people need to learn the joys of snarking at a movie.
Snarky Bytes because Alan is a whiner, and is always complaining that no one reads his blog.*
The Breda Fallacy because Breda is the coolest librarian I know, and does wondrous things with pork products. I love her recipes!
The Unforgiving Minute because TD may not post much, but he's entertaining when he does, and for all you guys he's got lots of pictures of gorgeous women in his archives.
Anyone else that I may have missed on this round, there will be another one soon.
*Alan doesn't really whine all that much, just when someone like Breda comes in with a thousand hits a day, and frankly I feel a little inadequate then too. Really, go check him out if you don't already read him.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Book Review
Farmmom recommended that I get The Art Of Racing In The Rain by Garth Stein.
I absolutely loved this book, it made me laugh, it made me cry, and I saw so much of my own dogs in it I wondered just how much is going on inside their heads at any given moment.
Written from the perspective of a loyal lab-mix, Enzo, the book details the joys and struggles of an up-and-coming race car driver and his family, Enzo's thoughts on evolution, philosophy, and religion, and the struggles that life bring us whether we be dog or man.
Loyalty, love, life, triumph over injustice, and how to be a good person, according to a dog.
I won't include any spoilers, because if you own or have ever owned a dog, you need to read this book.
If you'll excuse me, I need to go cuddle my pups now.
I absolutely loved this book, it made me laugh, it made me cry, and I saw so much of my own dogs in it I wondered just how much is going on inside their heads at any given moment.
Written from the perspective of a loyal lab-mix, Enzo, the book details the joys and struggles of an up-and-coming race car driver and his family, Enzo's thoughts on evolution, philosophy, and religion, and the struggles that life bring us whether we be dog or man.
Loyalty, love, life, triumph over injustice, and how to be a good person, according to a dog.
I won't include any spoilers, because if you own or have ever owned a dog, you need to read this book.
If you'll excuse me, I need to go cuddle my pups now.
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